Wednesday, December 31, 2008

death

Pat's mother is on a death watch right now. She quit breathing 3 times today. I pray that the family does not attack each other at her death bed.They have too much hate.

Edited to say that she made it thru the night.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Spiders, babies, eggs

Pat's daughter finally called. She apologized about Christmas. She said that one of the kids(not sure if she meant hers) got bit by a spider and had to make a trip to the ER. I was so relieved that she called. Pat is not so upset now. I feel that she wants to build a relationship with him. I know it will be hard. She was told when she was a little girl that he did not want her. I know that to not be true. I remember hunting for her. We ran down every lead we had. He was so angry that, first he was denied knowing about her until she was 4 or 5 then having her yanked away and hidden from him after only getting to see her a few times. She has lot of years of lies being told to her to recover from. It will be hard for both of them.

Pat's mama is holding on. I do not know why. I think she held on for so long that her mind is locked into the must live mode. I believe the only reason she lived this long is because she is afraid to die because of what will happen to J. J needs to get a life. It is way past time for her 50 plus year old butt to be dependent on herself not having her mother take care of her troubles. Can you tell I am bitter?

I am doing so much better. I am moving around at almost my old speed. Cleaning is slow but I am getting it done.

Pat found an egg! My little red hen is laying again and made her nest in the hay barn again. I really need to build me a small coop. I want to get me a couple Rhode Island Reds or Golden Comets. It is hard keeping these hens cooped up that have game in them. And besides, they eat bugs and scratch up horse poop. LOL

I am loving my new hard drive. Lots of space on it! I have most of my pictures transferred to it and my music backed up on it. I am in the process of deciding what to delete of the pictures I have. I have some .gifs and stuff like that, that I will probably never use. The ones I keep I need to better organize them. It will take time but, time is something I have.

Now I have a question. I am sure I know the answer but my mind is blank. How do I turn off autoplay when I hook up my drive?

Ok I am out of here. Getting hungry and I an tired of ham!

By the way. Just so you know. I would not get mad if somebody clicked on an ad! LOL

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Christmas and other things

Christmas was okay around here. Brook, Candy, and Johnny came down and we exchange gifts. I was thrilled with my gift. I received and external hard drive, the exact same one I wanted! I also got nighties, perfume, sweats and a few other items. The kids left pretty fast. After that Pat's niece and her kids showed up and rode horses. Next came his step mother and 3 of her grandkids and they rode horses. All the while we were waiting on Pat's daughter and her 2 kids, that was supposed to show up and have dinner with us. She turned out to be a no-show and a no-call. Pat tried to not show disappointment but he was. Also, he was delaying going to see his mama. His sister called and said she had a death rattle. Pat and I finally ate and I convinced him to go see his mother. I told him that I could see the signs of him denying what was happening, the same as he did when his father lay dying. I know I sounded harsh but he needed to hear it. His mother did not have a death rattle( I have heard enough of them to know what they sound like) She was starting to run a low grade temp. Her responsivness was greatly decreased then from 2 days before. It won't be much longer. I am glad she made it thru yesterday. I know it sounds selfish, but her dying on Christmas would have made the future holidays very hard and I like Christmas too much. It would not do to have an already moody hubby even moodier because that is when his mother died...

LOL I am turning into my mother. Since my surgery I have been running around in a nightgown all the time. I laughed when I looked in a mirror today. It was like looking at my mother! She ran around all day in a housecoat, or a duster actually. Now I know why. It is actually very comfortable. And heck nobody comes over so who is going to see me anyways!?!

I looked at my fat horse yesterday and wondered what to do with her. I have her on light food, half rations of feed and hay and she is still round as a barrel! She is a very very easy keeper!. Pat is talking about going to the sales next month to see if any good cheap horses are going thru them. With the economy in the dumps people tend to get rid of animals. Someone at his work got a Tennessee Walker for $50!

Gonna get off of here. Getting sleepy.

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Faith Hill

I turned the television on just in time to hear the most beautiful song. Faith Hill was singing Joy To The World. What an awe inspiring performance. tears came to my eyes. She sang it the way it sound be sung. Loud and with feeling.

baking, baking and baking

From Christmas
I have been doing a lot of baking the last 2 days. So far I have baked 10 loaves of banana bread, 12 loaves of brown bread, and 3 batches of fudge. Well technically fudge is not baking, it is cooking. I am in the process of baking 5 more loaves of banana bread as I sit here. I was going to make zucchini bread but I do not think I have enough butter left or energy for that matter! Finally it not only looks a little bit like Christmas , it smells a LOT like Christmas.

A little bit of news. I met Pat's daughter the other day after 16 years! A little over 16 years ago she disappeared from his life, not by his choice. We did not know what happened. There was over 2 years of child support payments no picked up and the court petitioned to end support payments. Anyway... she has 2 babies, a girl and a boy. We got to meet the little boy, Shane. He is 1 year old and looks just like Pat does in his 1 year old picture! He took right up with Pat immediately! The little girl is 3 in a couple of months. We did not get to see her as she was with her father. I don't know how often we will see them but I am glad we did. I hope that we get to see them more. She is a little bitter. She was told that he did not want her. He did not even know about her until she was 5 years old and then only got to see her about 5 times. Just long enough for the court case to get child support started.

It will just be me and Pat for Christmas dinner. We were going to go out and eat but nothing will be open except Waffle House. I will bake a ham and a few of the fixings. maybe next year things will be better and the families will get together for the holidays again. I hope so.

Pat goes on Jan 2nd for a consult on pulling his teeth. He had an implant break and now there is a screw sticking up in his mouth. he also broke a tooth and the rest are not in good shape on the bottom. He already has uppers. Not sure when it will be done but I hope soon. I am hoping that my approval letter from insurance comes through so I can get mine done too. LOL Then we will both be on a soft food diet for several months until we get our choppers. LOL Should lose some weight then also!

Ok I am tired. Gonna read a few blogs and lay down. I have been over doing it the last 2 days.
From Christmas

Monday, December 22, 2008

Fantasy Fudge, Original recipe!

Fantasy Fudge, Original recipe!

This is what Brook and I are making right now, a Christmas tradition in our family. Luckily for me and the rest of the family, Brook wants to learn how to cook. I may have someone to carry on some of the family traditions.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Test results

From Christmas



I went to the Doctor today. He said that there was no cancer!!! That made me very happy. I am taking hormones for now. I do not plan on taking them forever. I have to get extra monitoring because of my diabetes and thyroid. Yuck. I do figure I will just go through the hot flashes and whatever at another time. I don't thing that it is a good idea while recovering from surgery. LOL The Doctor said I could start doing light household chores. I asked him just what is light? he said dusting, washing dishes, nothing more that that for another week then slowing add more stuff. I laughed and said dusting is not light at my house! I have dusty birds!

Ok I am tired now. Sitting up in hard on my back and gut! I will be back later. take care everyone

From Christmas

Sunday, December 14, 2008

hospitals and stuff

From Christmas
I tell you this hurts. I have an incision from the inside of my belly button all the way down PAST the bikini cut incision from a previous surgery. Being beat up with a 2x4 probably feels better! I am on some pretty [powerful pain killers that are not touching the pain just makes me thirsty. I guess they are helping some because here I am. Actually it is my internet addiction that is getting me through this! LOL Okay 2 large tumors were removed. I will get the results of the biopsy Wednesday. He does not feel that they are cancerous.
Pat's mother is in the hospital now. Her kidneys were failing. She is doing better now but still may not make it past this episode. It may sound cold and cruel but she would be better off if she did not come home. The cruel thing would be her going back to that house. Her kidneys were failing because of severe dehydration. According to J she had just quit eating and drinking the day before going to hospital.I doubt that. I just wish her suffering was over.
Ok I am gone. Sitting up is taking its toll.
From Christmas

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

I am off to bed. Tomorrow I have my surgery. I will be gone for a few days or more.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Aimless

At times I feel so aimless. I wander around and never get stuff done. Just a bit ago I sat down here to write an entry and it hit me that I wanted music to play in this entry. Not just any music but a specific song. I am sure I could Google and get a video or something but that is not what I want. I just want some music to play. Then I thought why not ask people out there what they use. I know there are those of you that know about putting music in your blog. What I want to know is what player do you use, Do you embed in the blog itself or on certain entries? How can I put a song in a certain entry with or without the option to turn it off?

The song I wanted? "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas"

It is starting to look like Christmas around here. I have the tree up, although it is not decorated yet. 1 string of lights on the tree is not working. I have a giant stocking hung on my front door. My merry go round is out and playing right now as I write this.
My dancing and singing toys are out waiting for batteries. The dishes and glasses are in the cupboard and the towels are hanging. There is more to do and little time to do it.


The clock is ticking for the countdown of my surgery. For some reason this one is making me nervous. My mind keeps playing all the what ifs. I keep telling myself nothing is going to happen but I cannot seem to convince myself of that. I have never approached a surgery with this feeling of dread before.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Jury duty is over

From Christmas
I get to the courthouse today and sit there waiting for the start. After a bit the judge comes in and tells us we are dismissed for the week and thank you for your service. Ok so I am done with that for this year.

I am procrastinating. I need to get stuff done before my surgery. I guess I keep thinking that if I don't do it then nothing will happen. Dumb. I know I am having surgery. That will not change. Of sure I can cancel it but that won't happen. I can't tell you that I have not thought of it because I have. I wonder what will happen that day. Pat and Candiac in the same room waiting on me...

I was going to tell you about something I saw and I cannot remember what it was. Lately I have been having trouble remembering stuff. I know it is all the stress I am under. I will get better. I will get through the surgery and through the holidays and get next year started and then life will be better... I hope.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

getting it done


Yesterday Brook came over and we made pizza for dinner. Yep, homemade pizza. Easy to make. Get a pizza crust mix, pizza sauce, cheese and whatever you want on it and in 30 minutes total you have a fresh pizza hot, right from your very own oven. While that was in the oven we made pumpkin pie! Another generation growing up knowing that the best pie in the world is pumpkin!

Pat is a little worried about what will happen after surgery. I think he is thinking of his stomach! LOL And clean clothes too LOL. Me too. I know that I will be washing my heart out this week. I am also gathering stuff for easy meals. Between that and getting decorated I am a busy bee... well I am supposed to be busy but here I am sitting in front of this small screen.

The snow was pretty coming down yesterday but now it is cold and the snow is gone. maybe a white Christmas...


Monday, December 1, 2008

Jury duty, snow, and decorating

Today I had to report to jury duty for the next week. Normally I do not mind jury duty but today was not one of those days. My back has been killing me. Due to my surgery next week I cannot take anything except Tylenol and that does not help at all. So I spent all morning swarming,trying to find a comfortable position. That was a no go. I was actually hoping to be called to be an actual juror, at least they have nice wide, padded seats! No such luck. 2 groups get called for trials, I sit and wait for break. At least 50 people did not show up, deputies were dispatched. If the people do not show up tomorrow then warrants will be served. Luckily the judge told us all to come back on Wednesday! The good thing is, I get paid for tomorrow even though I am not there! WOW , we get $20 a day! LOL Big time pay huh?

It snowed today. Our first snow of the season. Of course it did not stick. It rarely does anymore. I would love for some sticking snow, enough to build a snowman! Anybody want to send me a tractor trailer load? Normally we get about an inch in December and 2 inches in Jan. That has not held true for the last ten years. We used to get way more than an inch. I guess with all the dry winters we have had in the last 10-15 years the "normal" amount has decreased to 2 inches.

Surgery is next week on the 10th at 3pm EST. NOT looking forward to it.

Christmas decorating is in the works. First thing out was my mugs, glasses, and dishes. I decided a long time ago that I was not going to "save" them for one day a year. I use them from Thanksgiving on to the New Year. People tend to save certain things for special occasions like Christmas and Easter and other holidays. What if they don't come for someone? Why not share it the whole season long?
What is the worst thing that could happen? A broken plate or two? You never know when someone's time comes. ? So why not share the joy now. Eat off those Christmas plates, break out the good china, they are only objects.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Like or love

Many people say that you like someone "because" they have pretty eyes, a nice smile, or an elegant nose. You love the person "even though" they are not rich, a good cook, or can’t put the toilet seat down. Liking someone means that you are fond of their good traits and loving someone is that you accept that other person fully even though they are not always perfect.
I love my family. It seems as if we are always at odds for some reason or another. This is one family that will never be perfect. I guess I will have to get used to not having family gatherings. Oh sure we get together for a wedding or a funeral and we are polite to each other at those times but other than that nothing. When Brook moved in with us holidays were fun again. I had family that wanted to be with me and celebrate with me. Then she went back to her mother and I had more that wanted to be here. Now nothing. Pat is pigheaded and so is my daughter. I don't see where either one will try to heal the rift between them, so it is back to just Pat and I for holiday dinners and stuff as his family won't come down or invite us to any gathering either. Note: My sister did invite us down but for 1 day and a vehicle that is not working right, we could not risk it.

Anyway. I made a big ole turkey that was the prettiest I have ever cooked! I made pinto beans with country ham, mashed taters, dressing, corn and orange fluff. A pecan pie, banana bread and pumpkin pie topped off the dinner. Of course I made too much and have plenty of leftovers. I guess I was hoping... So the leftover turkey is in the freezer and the rest is in the fridge.

I bought a few Christmas gifts this morning for Brook. NOT telling because she reads this sometimes LOL. The one I was going to get for Pat went before I could get there. Oh well. He will have to be happy with t-shirts and socks and maybe some cologne and underwear thrown in. With money as tight as it is the only thing anyone else will get is food.

My bloodwork came back okay. That is a bit of a relief. Now all I have to do is wait for surgery and then wait on the biopsy.

Ok I am out of here. I need to get some cleaning done.


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

the news

Waiting on blood work. On December the 10th I will be having surgery to remove 2 ovaries. I regrew an ovary. A large tumor will also be removed. On that day I will be in total menopause. No slow stoppage of my hormones just an abrupt stop. Pat asked me how long will I be "in menopause"? I told him forever and maybe I will not be a bitch forever. NOT looking forward to this.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Ultrasound

Well I got up early this morning to go get my ultrasound down. It did not look good. I have a mass in the area of where my left ovary should have been. It is larger than a good size grapefruit. They wanted me to see the doctor today but I was not able to get to the office where he was at. I have an appointment Monday morning. I have to tell you, this scares me. I am so tired of having things grow in me when they should not be there.

Today is my daughter's 31st birthday. I baked her a German Chocolate cake minus the coconut in the frosting.

I'm sorry. I am still in shock over what I saw today.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Mammogram and stuff

Well I went this morning and had my mammogram. I do wish there was an easier way to do that! OUCH. Tomorrow I go for my ultrasound.

The last post was added twice. I lost my comments for the last post. I can get them but I will have to copy and paste them. Changed the comment form. Stupid me.

I added an email subscription for those that prefer to get email alerts. Simple signup form. Just make sure you click the link in your email to confirm it.

I am tired. These early mornings are killing me!

Ok I know I have not really said anything. I need to wrap my brain around things and I just can't seem to make what is up there come down to my fingers. maybe because I am tired. I will be back tomorrow.

Been away

I have been away from blogging and just about everything else. i decided I needed to cut back on my computer time and concentrate on stuff here. It did not work. I suppose I have a bit of an addictive personality. I got hooked on TV. When I finally realized that there was nothing good on I turned back to my computer. I miss the interaction I get here. Actually I need the interaction I get here. I know I have probably lost some readers but that is okay. I am back.

Things have been somewhat fun around here and not fun. We had a horse move in here. The owners came and got her and she came back. 10 days later they came for her again. Brook will miss her. She was a sweetheart.

Things with Pat are good between us. Not so much between him and my daughter. So I guess at this point I will be cooking Thanksgiving dinner just for the two of us.

Pat is having trouble with his breathing now. I have a feeling we may be taking a trip to the ER by the end of the week. Scares me.

I went to the Doctor today. He is sending me for an ultrasound on my abdomen on Friday. He felt a mass that should not be there. Tomorrow I get my mammies grammed and next week in a bladder test. YUCK. I guess I am just falling to pieces.

I am glad to see gas prices down. I saw gas for $1.76 today. I cannot remember the last time it was that low! Now if only other prices would drop. I do not see much of a Christmas around here this year. I have got to get in the mood for it anyway. I did not put up one single fall decoration this year. I need to put the tree and stuff up. I need to sit and soak it in so I feel better.

I know I am just scared now.


Wednesday, November 19, 2008

been away

I have been away from blogging and just about everything else. i decided I needed to cut back on my computer time and concentrate on stuff here. It did not work. I suppose I have a bit of an addictive personality. I got hooked on TV. When I finally realized that there was nothing good on I turned back to my computer. I miss the interaction I get here. Actually I need the interaction I get here. I know I have probably lost some readers but that is okay. I am back.

Things have been somewhat fun around here and not fun. We had a horse move in here. The owners came and got her and she came back. 10 days later they came for her again. Brook will miss her. She was a sweetheart.

Things with Pat are good between us. Not so much between him and my daughter. So I guess at this point I will be cooking Thanksgiving dinner just for the two of us.

Pat is having trouble with his breathing now. I have a feeling we may be taking a trip to the ER by the end of the week. Scares me.

I went to the Doctor today. He is sending me for an ultrasound on my abdomen on Friday. He felt a mass that should not be there. Tomorrow I get my mammies grammed and next week in a bladder test. YUCK. I guess I am just falling to pieces.

I am glad to see gas prices down. I saw gas for $1.76 today. I cannot remember the last time it was that low! Now if only other prices would drop. I do not see much of a Christmas around here this year. I have got to get in the mood for it anyway. I did not put up one single fall decoration this year. I need to put the tree and stuff up. I need to sit and soak it in so I feel better.

I know I am just scared now.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

A new beginning

Today was a historical day in American history. Today a black man was elected President of the United States. My hope is that today is a new beginning for us, a good beginning. I hope that all Americans can pull together and be the nation that we were made to be, strong and UNITED. It is time to shut up and get busy.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Jobs, gas, and transporation

In our part of the country you count yourself lucky to have a job, any job. Plants are closing down completely, some have laid off hundreds of people. The housing market which usually stays full swing right now is in a shutdown. Several of the biggest contractors in the area have houses left unfinished, workers that could not be paid, and subcontractors left in the lurch. The only consolation in al this is gas is down to $2.34 a gallon which makes it easier for those that are working to buy gas to get to their jobs. Johnny(my son in law) is one of the lucky ones, he starts a new job Monday after a almost a month of being out of work. The good thing is that will delay when and if they move to Dallas.
Pat has been driving the truck to work for the past couple of weeks. The front wheel bearings went out on the bike and we had to order the parts. The last part came in today. This is good. He will need to get back on the bike and ride it to work so we can fix the truck now. It has started running bad. So far we know that at least 2 sensors are bad and they will cost almost half a paycheck to get those parts. When it rains it pours. Once we fix that, then we will know if there is something else wrong. The bad thing is he needs to ride the bike so we can get the parts. We can't pay for gas and buy the parts even with the reduced gas prices! The truck is almost paid for, figures.
Next week is the Presidential election. I do not want to know who you are voting for. I do want you to vote.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Coming home

So this is where my new home is. I am used to Blogger by now. I find it better than AOL journals. Decorating is easier, putting pictures where I want is easier. You can search for hemes and find some great ones and it is not hard to put them here.

I have been away for awhile. My life was falling apart before me eyes. I felt out of control and for the first time writing in my blog was no help.

Pat and I have managed to get our lives together. It has been a struggle but I feel it was worth it. My daughter and I are speaking again but there is no family gatherings planned anytime soon. Pat and Candiac may never heal their riff. Brook has been coming down some. It is a joy to have her.

Brook is growing up and things happening that I feared would. She is growing up in ways I never wanted for her. She is being exposed to elements that are not good influences. She is acting out and rebelling, being defiance and getting into a few fights. Her schoolwork has suffered. Things may change soon.

Candiac was notified last week that she will only be working 2 maybe 3 days a week. Today she was told that her boss may be filing bankruptcy. The week before that her husband was cut to 30 hours a week and then Monday last week he was laid off. He has been told that he may not receive any unemployment benefits as the state is out of money to pay any. they will be competing for the few jobs that are hiding out there with the hundreds of plant workers that have been laid off in the past few weeks. Mickie D's and Wal-mart are not even hiring. Johnny may go back to Dallas where there is supposed to be jobs. Candiac may go to her friend's house and I suppose join Johnny in Dallas in the future. Brook will come to live with me at least until school is out. I sincerely hope that she can stay forever!

So that is what is happening for now. I will write more tomorrow and catch up some more on everything.

I do hope that everyone decides to come over to blogger or somewhere else. Please leave me your link.

Friday, October 3, 2008

I am here. I know what is happening with the journals. I cannot do much at this time. Major major pain with teeth. cant think. the rest of life is good.  I love you all I miss you. I had to take a break now I am forced to by pain. teeth will be removed mondy. I hope i can make it until then with dying. pain is making me sick.
I will post in C's Life    http://celeste-cslife.blogspot.com

Friday, September 12, 2008

and the panic bagan

Ike is a problem, not just for Texas but for all of us. Gas prices here has already jumped back to $4 a gallon with a 10 gallon limit!  Me I found out the hard way. I needed gas for the truck. It was horrible! I get to the station and there are cars lined up everywhere. 12 pumps and lines around the block on each of them. 45 minutes in line and I get to the pump. Thankfully the 10 gallon limit was not in effect yet. As I am pumping I count the cars behind me, 23 cars in my lane, multiply that by 12 and that is a lot of cars!

We got the tire for the bike finally. We had to order the tire. It is a high mileage tire for a bike, up to 30000 miles vs maybe 10000 for a Dunlop tire for the same price!. It is a Metzeler ME 880 Marathon. We love it. This is the second time we have gotten this particular tire. I highly recommend it.

Can't seem to catch up with stuff after that wonderful/disastrous vacation. I will, it just takes time.


 

Friday, September 5, 2008

I'm back

For what it is worth, I am back. LOL

Let's see. Saturday. Beautiful day. The sun was shining I was ready and Pat was slow. LOL Packed once then repacked to a lighter bag. Then we were off! 
From Blue Ridge vacation
On our way to the Blue Ridge Parkway. 5 days of camping out and riding the motorcycle.  We did not make it as far as I hoped the first day. I forgot that Pat was a 5 miler. Go 5 miles and stop. I am just kidding. But I swear that man stopped so many times I was afraid we would not even make it to North Carolina the first day! It was a beautiful ride. We took the scenic route. LOL One of the first places we saw was the Occoe.
From Blue Ridge vacation
Great white water rafting there soI have been told. You would not get me in one of those rafts or a kayak! We saw where the Olympics held the white water events when it was in Atlanta.
Finally we arrived in North Carolina. We passed the road that leads to the Dragon's Tail, US 129. This is a trip we plan in the future. In Andrews, NC we pass a Harley Shop we just had to stop to see. 
How about that for a bike?
From Blue Ridge vacation
Daylight is quickly going and we have miles to go. We get to Bryson City just outside of Cherokee and decided to find a campsite.
From Blue Ridge vacation
There we set up camp and the fun began! LOL As we unpacked we found that 1 small bag had been left out. The one that held our utensils! Luckily that was not too big of a problem. We found a couple forks packed away but no can opener so no chili on the hot dogs.  The campground was right on the river.
From Blue Ridge vacation
It was also right on the highway so the sounds of loud motorcycles roared until late at night.
The next morning dawned early. We were up before daylight and started getting breakfast fixed and breaking down camp. Remember I am with pokey. 4 hours later we are on our way. Finally we get on the Parkway!
The mountains are beautiful! I recommend going there at least once in your life. We got to the highest point on the Parkway and had to take our picture!
From Blue Ridge vacation
You cannot not take one there! It was at that stop that we saw a woman with her little dog tucked in too! On a motorcycle! There were lots of bikes and lots of mountains
From Blue Ridge vacation
In Asheville the fun began. Part of the Parkway was closed due to rock slides so we were detoured to the interstate for our next leg of the trip. We were headed to Linville Falls where we were going to stay for a day or 2. This section of the interstate is scary to me. We were going to ride down Black Mountain.
From Blue Ridge vacation
I hate that. It is a steep grade. Lots of wrecks have happened on that mountain.
As it was that was our last ride. Shortly after getting to the bottom Pat pulled over. We had a tire going flat. Sunday, a holiday weekend, on the side of an interstate. Not what I wanted to do! After an hour or so a police officer stopped. It seems someone called in a wreck with dead bodies! Stupid! At that time we were waiting on our ride. We knew we had a long wait! Luckily we had a deck of cards. Pat found out that I am a killer in Gin and poker! LOL What gets me is NO ONE stopped! Seven hours on the side of the road and no one stopped. Also no police other than that first one. I could not believe it. Seven hours and no troupers! The first cop was a city cop! I was disappointed in our fellow bikers. At least 200 went by and no one stopped.
So our trip was cut short and once again a major expense incurred. $300 in gas for the tow home. $200 for a new tire. Ugh . Might be last vacation for a long while!

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Open Id and adding comments

a Blogger user who wants to leave a comment, will be challenged with the AOL sign-in screen. On that page they will notice a tab for OpenID (the orange color tab on the far right). When the Blogger user clicks on the OpenID tab, they will be asked to enter their OpenID. For Blogger users their OpenID would be of the form YourBlogName.blogspot.com (for example, one of my test blogs on blogger is journalsopenid.blogspot.com). Once you enter this information, you will be taken to the Bloggger sign-in screen where your credentials will be validated. After successful validation, you will be be sent back to AOL where you will have to fill out a small form where you will be asked a couple of questions, one of which is your age (this is to comply with Child Protection laws). Upon filling out this form successfully (only a one time thing), you will go to the Comments page where you can leave a comment.

For this update, OpenID for comments is available for US journals only.

More on OpenID
For more on OpenID click here.

How do I get an OpenID?

Surprise! You may already have one. If you use any of the following services, you already have your own OpenID:

AOL
openid.aol.com/screenname
Blogger
blogname.blogspot.com
Flickr
www.flickr.com/photos/username
LiveDoor
profile.livedoor.com/username
LiveJournal
username.livejournal.com
Orange (France Telecom)
http://openid.orange.fr/
SmugMug
username.smugmug.com
Technorati
technorati.com/people/technorati/username
Vox
member.vox.com
Yahoo
http://openid.yahoo.com
WordPress.com
username.wordpress.com

Saturday, August 30, 2008

Friday, August 29, 2008

updating stuff

I got my medicine. I am doing much better.
Now for the big news. Tomorrow I am leaving. Leaving for the Blue Ridge {Parkway for 5 days. Pat and I are taking off on the bike and heading for the hills. We will be camping out. Just me and him. By ourselves. No internet, possibly no cell coverage at time. I am so excited. I have not said anything because I did not want to jinx a thing!!!! We so need this time.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Alert

This news just in:  8/23/08 @ 7:55 AM...

All of the Wal-Marts across Alabama sold out of ammunition as of yesterday.

A reliable source said that one of the purchasers commented that while Russia
may have invaded Georgia, they sure as hell ain't doin' it to Alabama.

Monday, August 25, 2008

I am so not in a good mood. I hurt and I am tired of hurting. Sometime last week I apparently was bit by something, probably a brown recluse spider. Today I get into the doctor. That went well. Filling the prescription did not. I took it to the pharmacy and they said about 1 hour. I go to pick it up and find out that it was going to cost mega bucks. I say why. They say well you doctor has to get this drug preapproved for insurance to pay! I am like ok, did you call Doctor? Oh yes we faxed it to him about 10 minutes ago but we have not heard anything yet. I am like what? You have had this an hour and you wait until now to do that? AND THE OFFICE IS CLOSED NOW! I am vert tempted to head to er right now. I am hurting. I have lumps in my leg, a big black place where I was bit. My ingunial  lymph nodes are swollen to pecan size. My head hurts bad and has for 4-5 days now. The doctor thinks it is the posion not the fall I had. I am not so sure.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

mmmm

Either no alerts or everybody is tired of hearing me whine. No matter. I am here to stay in one form or another.

I took Brook to the Dentist this morning. She goes back in 2 weeks to get 1 tooth pulled and possibly 2 others. The "big girl" teeth are there but the baby ones are not turning loose. No cavities, which is good and except for the one that is coming in wrong her teeth are straight and not crowded. After the tooth is pulled that tooth may very well drop into place where it belongs.

Today has been a very ho hum day other than that. So far all I have done is play games. I have a headache and really do not feel like doing a thing.

I am working on getting back into reading and commenting. I have not forgotten anybody. I am still reading even if I have not sadi anything. Y'all are my lifeline to the world beyond me.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Life goes on and on

You know that pink rabbit that goes around beating a drum? It goes on and on and on. That is me. I just go on and on no matter what.  Sometimes I just feel like kneeling over and letting my batteries die. Life is strange sometimes.

The situation with Brook and Candiac has brought Pat and me closer. We are not out of the woods, no by a long shot. Love is strange. Never did I imagine  that I would stay in this situation but here I am, fighting for our life.

Candiac has been allowing me to take Brook to Tae Kwon Do. And tomorrow I get to take her to the dentist. Poor thing has a tooth that is coming in near the top of her gum without the baby tooth under it turning loose. She also has a red place on the other side where maybe the same thing is about to happen.

We got the tractor running somewhat. I was able to cut twice today for about 30 minutes each time. At the rate I am going I might get it finished before the rain from Fay gets here IF it gets here.

By the way. If you are on My Space I want you in my MOB!!! Thanks Rachel! I am HOOKED.  http://myspace.com/csandhollow Add me!

Friday, August 15, 2008

tractor

The tractor is down for the count right now. I was cutting along like nobody's business and next thing I know I see smoke! I knew right away from the smell that it was a belt. I hit the switch and turned it off. Poor thing had to stay in the field all night.
Now it is parked by the hitching post and it has been torn down somewhat. We had to cut the fan belt and remove the fan. the fan locked up. Apparently it is supposed to have grease in it. It had some hard globs in it. Pat worked on it and it is turning freely now. Now we need some grease to pack in it and hopefully it will be ready to go again. I helped remove the fan but my main job has been giving the tractor a blow job. I have been using the air compressor and blowing out the stopped up vanes that surround the radiator. You would not believe how much stuff has been packed in there. Pat said that he has never done that. He would blow off the grill but never did he remove the grill and get down to the nitty gritty. I can tell you, it was GRITTY!
We need to get a new muffler for it also. I would also like to get some paint, Farmall Red, and paint it. Decals would be nice also but I believe they may be rather high dollar items.
Tomorrow is Saturday. I hope that this is a good weekend. I need a good weekend.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

It is over. No longer will I have anything to say about Brook or Candy. I have been cut out of her life completely. I supposed it is my fault. I cannot be what she wants me to be. I hope Brook can forgive me. Some day she may look me up. I hope so.


Rebecca and Liza, stay out of it, Please.

This weekend was slow and quiet. Way too quiet. No fights(good thing) no phone calls from Brook(sad thing)no visits from anybody(good and bad thing).

I wonder at times why we love the men(or women) we do. Why is it so hard to put into words that feeling you have inside of you. What is it that keeps us with the person we are with?
I know when I look at Pat or think about him I have this wide range of emotions. In matter of seconds I might feel my heart squeezing, a smile on my lips, tears in my eyes, anger in my head How long can a person continue feeling sad and happy at the same time? My anger is not just directed at him, it is directed at me also. My sadness is not just about what is happening with me and Pat, but with the rest of my family.
I am unable to deal with the happiness, sadness, or whatever else anybody else is having right now. At least not in person. I can read about it but I cannot be involved in it. I went to my niece's wedding last weekend and it was beautiful. All I could think of is that I hope she never has the drama in her life that I have or that has been in other members of the family. My mama taught me well how to smile and laugh even though you are suffering.


Saturday, August 9, 2008

Friday(at least it was)

I got to go a lot of cutting today in the field. It is slow going. If I cut in second gear I break a lot of sheer bolts on the Bush Hog. I am up and down so often that I get nothing done. I fI cut in first gear it is slow going bu at least I am not climbing up and down all the time. The tractor ran great today. I was able to cut for 2 hours without it quitting on me. That was a real big improvement! IT felt so good out there today. A nice breeze stayed blowing and the temperatures were only around 83 the whole time I was out there.
The horses were pretty good about me riding around on the tractor. Usually they kick and run. This time they just moved on. They finally decided nothing was happening so they moved to the back field.
I did not see Brook today.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Food Brook and other stuff

Dinner tonight was a quiet affair. I had wild salmon and sauteed squash. !0 minutes and it was cooked. The salmon I cooked on my Georgwe Foreman grill. The squash I sauteed in Greek Vinaigrette dressing with feta cheese and oregano. It is made by Kraft. 2 tablespoons only has 50 calories and that is all I used.

 I am going to go walking in a bit. I need to get out and do more. I am not losing any more weight and I really need to kick it up again. I have 40 more to go and I will get it off.

Brook did not make it down here today. Her mother was home when she got home from school. I also do not get to take her to Tae Kwon Do tonight either. They decided to go to a ball game. She does not even like ball. I also find this so irresponsible on their part. Brook gets on the bus at 630 in morning and tomorrow is a school day. I seriously doubt that they will be home at a reasonable time tonight.

Brook's birthday is in one month. I guess I will not be part of her party this year. I will just make one of my own for her. Her birthday is on a Tae Kwon Do night so I am planning to take her to dinner and get a cake for the class, maybe cupcakes instead of one that has to be cut.

It rained today for about an hour so I am not able to do any cutting in the field. Darn it. That puts me more behind. I swear if we had the money I would rent a tractor and get it cut in one day.

Ok I am out of here. I need to walk 30 minutes before dark gets here.

settling in

Things have settled in. Candiac will allow Brook to see me as long as Pat is not around. She let her spend the night last night which shocked me and Brook to no ends. Today after school Brook came down to see her papaw even though her mama said she was not to come here until after he leaves. She got in trouble because she came here before 4 oclock. Brook said that Candiac told her that Pat was dead to her and so he was dead to Brook. Brook told me that no way. That she loved him and he would never be dead to her no matter what her mama says. She chooses to try to poison a child's mind. How cruel. I choose to not say anything to Brook about anything. I did tell her that I would not tell her mother that she came to see him ever! That man has been the only man that has been constant in her whole life. Without him, Brook would have been in the foster care program when she was only 2 years old. He bought this trailor so they would not take her away, to provide a safe place for her to live. Her mother picked drugs. @ days before she was due to get her back she was busted by the feds for selling drugs and she was still using. Somehow she faked the drug screens. She was leaving her places, with "friends". I was constantly having to find Brook and retrieve her. Brook does not remember any of that. She was 1 and 2 years old at that time. What Brook does know is I cared for her all the time. I was the one that held her when she cried because mama had to stay in jail. I was the one that held her as she threw up. I was the one that sang to her every night and read her a story. Last night she asked me to sing for her. She is almost 11 years old and wanted to hear Hush little baby. That tells me she is stressed. I will not lay crap on her and hurt her in any way. I know how much it hurts to hear someone say bad things about someone you love. I cannot hurt her. Strangly enough, I can live without my daughter around but not Brook. I know the holidays will be hard because they mean family to me. They will be hard since Pat's family does not like me and my daughter ... Brook's birthday is next month. It will be the first one that I will not get to spend with her. Or maybe I will. It is on a Monday and that is Tae Kwon Do day so maybe...

Enough.

I cut grass today. What a job when the ground is so dry. Dust kicks up everywhere. After getting the yard done I rode the tractor for about 30 minutes before it started messing up. If it does not rain tomorrow I will ride it again until it does it again. Eventually I will get the field cut. We have replaced teh wiring and the gas line. new points and plugs have been put in also. Next is a core. maybe that will get it going again the way it should be doing. It needs a new clutch because this one slips under starin. That goes make it a bit harder to cut the high stuff.

I lost a hen and 4 more chicks. I am assuming a raccoon. I thought I say coon poop the other day... 2 chciks showed up after being missing for several days. I was surprised to see them. The red hen has 1 chick. It looks as if another rooster has ben in the hen house. this baby hasd white feathers!. You tell me how a rhode island red hen and a half game half rhode island red rooster made a baby with white featers! Not just a few white feathers either!

Ok time to vacuume and hit the showers. I spilled gas on me today and I stink.

Monday, August 4, 2008

I lost

I lost. I lost my family. Candiac stated she is no longer my daughter and Brook will not be allowed here anymore. I do not ever see any way to repair that relationship. She said if I choose to stay with Pat then I no longer have a daughter. She said that I choose Pat when I stepped between them when they were fighting and told her to leave. We had some harsh words today when I said I was unable to pick her up because Pat did not want me being a taxi service. So tempers flared and she threatened to put Pat in jail,disowned me and said Brook will never be allowed here again. So now if Pat and I do not make it then I have nothing.
I lost my daughter years ago. She alwaysthrows up the past to me and blames me. Now I have lost the light of my life and I do not know how to live with it.
Pat said Brook will find a way to see me. I don't see it happening. She is scared of her mother and will not defy her.

Friday, August 1, 2008

here

Brook insisted on going to school this morning. Poor thing her face was terrible. I made a doctor's appointment for her. When I picked her up at 1 o'clock the black circles under her eyes were no longer black. That worried me. They put her on antibiotics and prednisone.  If it is worse in morning then we have to go back to doctor. They may send her for a ct scan then. Dang. All this for a wasp sting!

Fleas are bad this year. Poor Scampi has had bath after bath. Collars and the stuff from the vet just will not keep up with them.

Well it is Friday. Wonder if the week continues like it has or if...

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Happy today

I am not sure what has happened but this has been a pretty good week so far. maybe I am slowing winning. He has been coming home after work instead of going elsewhere. Today has been a smiling day. I just hope that it continues. I would much rather smile than cry.

This morning started bad. I heard a voice in my dreams then I realized that it was not in my dreams it was at the foot of my bed. Candy was calling my name. We needed to get Brook to the doctor. The day before she had been stung between the eyes by possibly a wasp. This morning when she got up the whole side of her face was swollen. One eye was closed. She took Benedryl but an hour and half later it was no better. By the time we got to doctor's office there was swelling on the other side of her face. He advised us to keep giving her the medicine and cold compresses and to stay upright. he also said that if not better in 24 hours to bring her back in. This is right after leaving doctor's office.  This was taken this evening. Poor baby. School starts tomorrow. I cannot make her go looking like that.
And right now it looks like we may be back in the doctor's office.
School. I talked to her teacher last night. They will not be carrying books. All they will have to carry is a trapper keeper.
 Ok. Time to vacuum again. Birds put feathers all over the living room everyday!

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

not happy

Worry does not empty tomorrow of sorrow - it empties today of strength.
Corrie ten Boom
The girls rode today and  I am just not happy. It was a totally dissatisfying experience. Not 1 horse rode worth a crap today. Precious ran up to the hitching post and planted her feet like a stubborn mule. No budging her. Dancer would not mind the bit at all. And Crystal was so hyper that I swear somebody gave her something. Then to top it all off, N's mom and dad show up and he is so drunk he is stumbling around and then goes and gets another beer. In the 7 years I have owned my horse I have not allowed anyone to smoke around her. Next thing I know they are blowing smoke in her face. I stopped that but the other I felt powerless. I do not deal with drunks well. LOL I would never make it as a bar waitress anymore. can't smile at the drunks, all I want to do is smack them down.
Ok I am out of here. I do not have anything to say tonight. 

Life is going onward

Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900), "The Picture of Dorian Gray"
Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from.
Al Franken, "Oh, the Things I Know", 2002


Life is going onward. It may belly up at some point but I guess everything does sooner or later.

Brook was here today finally. I sure have missed that child. This afternoon we got Precious out and she rode her. Precious is a bit of a stubborn horse but Brook stayed right with her and made her go. I predict many more afternoon rides! I need to set up a dry pen. Donna knows what I mean. I am worried about Precious. She eats too much. She has not actually foundered but she could anytime. Darn her. Easy keepers are nice but they suck too.

Open House at school is on Wednesday. I hope it is not raining that day. If it is raining I will not have the truck and we will be very late for it. I will check with the teacher and make sure about the bookbag thing. I find it unrealistic that they will not be allowed something! I hope Brook gets the teacher she wants. We will see.

Brook is back at it with her Tae Kwon Do. She missed quite a bit this month. It has cost her. the group is ahead of her in their studies with the bo staff. I need to refresh my memory on how to do it and help her. It is the same form that I learned last year. They are having a sword class next month but she decided she did not wish to take it. It is the first month of school. I think it would do her good to ease back some so she can get into the rythym of school.

That's it for now. It is midnight. I need to get my vacuuming done and the clothes finished. Take care all.


Friday, July 25, 2008

just talking

A great marriage is not when the 'perfect couple' comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.
Dave Meurer, "Daze of Our Wives"

Slow day, accomplished nothing. Of course it is not over yet. The dryer just stopped so that is something.  I have about 5-6 more hours of being alone so I will get something done.

School starts next Friday here. Brook is all ready to go. I am a bit concerned though. They are not allowed to carry bookbags or backpacks. They will be switching classes and they do not have lockers. that means they will have top carry in their arms everything from class to class. I find that unreasonable. I believe I will just have to buy her a rather large pocketbook so she will have some way of carrying some of her things.

I have not seen much of Brook in the last 2 weeks. Johnny's family has been here from Texas and she has been staying up there. I feel like I have been shut out. They live half a mile away and I do not see them anymore. I spend every evening alone and in silence. Sometimes the only sound I hear is when someone signs  in or out on AIM.

 We are still in a drought here. It has been raining but the years of not enough rain has taken it toll. We are still in a Level 4 extreme drought in my part of Georgia. I am seeing some new growth on trees, something I have not seen in a few years. I noticed today that the local lake is rapidly going dry again .  I hate to say iit but  had hoped that the hurricane that hit Texas would have turned in the last bit and headed my way. It will take a tropical event to get some moisture back in our groundwater level.

Sorry friends, I am reading some but not commenting. Look at me as a lurker right now. I am laughing with you and crying with some.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Thursday

There are two ways to slide easily through life; to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking.
Alfred Korzybski (1879 - 1950)
    Life sure has its own way of thumping you in the head or kicking you in the ass, whichever way you look at it. The twists and turns are almost like riding a bucking horse. One second you think you will last to the bell and the next second you are flying thru the air. 
     Things seem to be on an even keel here right now. I am pulling myself by the bootstraps and trying to keep the faith. Tomorrow is our 15th anniversary. I don't expect any remembrance of it. Actually, I do expect it but I doubt that it will happen.
      I still have a cell phone. I just reactivated my old one. Nothing wrong with it and I can hear it ring, unlike my new one that broke. At least I can hear it when and if someone calls me.
      I am proud of myself. I have not had any dirty clothes for 2 weeks now. Every morning and night I put the dirty clothes in the washer. When it is full I start it.  I have also been keeping the sink cleared out. Amazing at what you do when you have no one to talk to.What it is is if I leave here, dead or alive, I have decided that no one will be able to say that the house is not clean. I have been working on getting it in order. I need order in my life right now.
    Precious is doing good.
    Brook is doing good.

   


Tuesday, July 22, 2008

ugh

What a miserable weekend. I tell you, I have the letter L in big red letters tattooed on my forehead!
 Friday things fell apart. For some reason everything I said or did was wrong. That night while burning garbage I fell off the steps and hit my head and bruised my shoulder and head. I think I may have been knocked out for a minute or 2 because the next thing I know is I hear Pat's truck pulling up. He helped me into the house. He said at first he thought I was just pulling something stupid but then saw the broken step.
Saturday started out peaceful enough. It did not take long for an uncomfortable silence to be followed by an uncomfortable roar. What an expensive day. $600 worth of cell phones destroyed. That night to bed with a truce called.
The next day started out fairly well with some remorse. Things were actually looking better, at least sounding better with no phones ringing. Looking out the window I see the horses in the field. Precious is laying down. I looked and felt funny about it in my stomach. I quickly pulled some clothes on and went outside and called the horses. All came except Precious. She was sitting up but making no effort to come to me. I walked out to her and knew(actually I already knew) that she was in trouble. I then knew I was in trouble. The heat index was 104 degrees with actual temperature at 98 degrees. I had just looked at the weather map to check for rain. Anyway, it was bad. She was drenched in sweat. It took a few minutes of urging but she did get up. She walked over and started to lay down again but I knew that she could not do that. I hearded her to the barn and over by the water trough. I then ran out and turned the water on. I ran back in and she was down again. She got up for me with no trouble out of her. I had teh halter o and a rope by then. I hosed her down in hopes that it was simple heat exhaustion. I then led her out of the pasture and up to the hitching post. I ran in the house hollaring at Pat that Precious was down. I needed to put different shoes on because sandels were no good for what I was about to do, walk and walk alot. pat got dressed to come out to help me but I knew he would not be a lot of help. The extreme heat was not good for his asthma. He left to go get help but something happened up there that was not good. After an hour of making Precious walk I finally got some help but not before stepping inbetween a fight. I wanted to knock them both in the head. brook walked with me and it was a good thing. The heat got to me and I went down. Heat exhaustion was getting me and Precious still had not passed gas or poop. Me going down got everybody's attention and I got help. We kept hosing Precious down and finally she took some water. She started passing some gas. 4 hours after the first walking started Precious was trying to eat and was swatting at flies. Crisis averted.
With all that walking and sweating you would think I would have lost weight. NOT. I am at 179 and holding.
Pat and I are working things out. No guareentee of everything working out that we stay together but I am hopeful. Never will it be said I did not give it my best shot. I am hoping he will do the same. I have to trust that he is. Trust is so hard to give once broken but I am trying.

Friday, July 18, 2008


Stressed Woman
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I have been feeling very blue lately. Life just has not been going the way I thought it would. At age 49 I thought that I would be settled and where I was going to be for the rest of my life. Now I am not sure. Funny how nothing turns out the way you expect. I am working on getting things worked out. I am where I want to be and who I want to be with... but is he? Someone said something to me about velvet chains. I looked up the lyrics to the song as it has been a long time since I have heard it. I know I have been so wrong in so many areas in my life. I know that , I pray that we stay together and finish growing old together.
Velvet Chains
Your velvet chains softly hold me

Keep me from strayin' to another one's arms
Locked in your love I will remain
I don't want to be free

From your velvet chains 
You keep the door wide open
You don't lock me in
I come and go
Your never ask mewhere I've been

 You know I'm faithful
Yes, I'm bound to be

Your lovin' arms

Put these velvet chains on me
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Most people hold onto the past, look forward to the future, and do not embrace the present. Only those who can appreciate what they have now live fully.
--Tsai Chih

I am trying to live now and look to the future. I want the future and I want peace in the present.

Monday, July 14, 2008

break

I will be taking a break from reading journals and writing in mine. I have some issues I must work through. They will either make or break me. Right now the breaking me is winning. I love you all. I will still be reading mail so if anybody wants to they can write.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

anger and other stuff

Holding on to anger, resentment and hurt only gives you tense muscles, a headache and a sore jaw from clenching your teeth. Forgiveness gives you back the laughter and the lightness in your life.
Joan Lunden, in Healthy Living Magazine
Learning to let go of my anger is hard.  Anger sucks. It makes me so sick. I am not talking about simple anger but a deep rage, the kind that can lead you to doing things and saying things that should never be said or done. Most times I rage when I am by myself then the tears come and I can bring myself under control. Last night was one of those times.

Brook is on her way to Panama City Florida. I know she is having a grand time.The people she is with spoil her and pet on her. LOL It has been years since I have been there. Someday I hope to go there again.

I was talking on the phone earlier today and the person I was talking asked me what that sound was they were hearing. I told her that it was my birds singing. She asked me if I found it annoying because they were so loud. My honest answer was never. Being hearing impaired you really learn to appreciate everything you do hear.
It is amazing to me to hear them at all. Actually there is only one I can hear and I cannot hear his whole song. I watch him sing and find such joy in hearing what I do. The day may come where I will not hear that so I treasure the days I have.

We are getting some much needed rain right now. The thunder is rolling and the lightening strikes are hitting
all around. The temps have dropped to a pleasant 72 down from the 93 it was an hour ago. I need to get off now. The lights dimmed. Out here in the country the power can go off at anytime.

Take care and I will be back

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

blah

Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.
William James (1842 - 1910)


Today is blah. Been alone all day it seems. Brook is in Florida and I am here all alone. The rest of the week will be like this.

My Buddy thinks he is suppose to lay on the mouse pad in front of the computer when I am online. He is suppose to get all of my attention! LOL

The weekend went mostly good. Friday we rode the bike for a couple hours and headed out to fireworks. We did not stay and just went home. We got to see many firework displays from the house without the smoke.

Saturday evening things started falling apart. Sunday was for the birds. Monday was not much better. Today is better. I know there will be ups and downs. I am counting on more ups than downs.

 On a positive note I have lost down from 198 on June 1 to 185 today. I will take whatever small things that I can find in a day.

I have 8 baby chicks running around the yard right now. My little red hen is setting a nest now. I am not sure how many she has under her.

Ok I am out of here right now. I need to get busy. I have a goal to reach with my cleaning and I cannot do it sitting here. Love you all.



Thursday, July 3, 2008

mostly up

I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.
Martha Washington (1732 - 1802)


Things are looking mostly up. I am keeping a happy attitude no matter what happens. I have to pick the right battles to do and right now I do not see any reason whatso ever to open my mouth and ruin the peace we are having right now. I know that I have a long way to go. I also know that if anything is to change I must first change things within myself. And don't give me that you don't need to change anything. Believe me, you do not live with me, I need to change some things. Heck if I don't like me how can anyone else?
 This has been a good week for the horses. Every evening they have been rode by Nickie and Brook. It has been great for the horses especially Precious. She is so fat. It takes her away from the field for 3 hours and gives her plenty of exercise. It is good for Brook too. She is riding with someone close to her age(14) and she is getting more adventurous about getting the horse to go faster without fear of falling off. She is even riding bareback! It is something to see her riding and racking the horse. LOL Yesterday she started slipping off but it turned out fine.  She reached up and grabbed Precious around the neck and Precious stopped like she hit a brick wall! Brook kept going over but her feet hit the ground from a stopped horse instead of one that was moving on.
Tomorrow is the 4th on Brook has a demo to do. She will be at the Freedom Festival here along with the rest of the kids, fireworks following at 9:30. Come and join us.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Life is better

The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want.
Ben Stein


Life is better today. Mainly because I decided to fight. I have always kind of laid down the banner so to speak in the past and just gave up. Not so this time. I may not win the war but I have won this battle. I have extreme problems with self confidence and so I always see myself as the loser. Some people will think I am stupid to fight this was but I don't. I know some people are very confused as to what it is I am fighting. If you want to know I will tell you in private.


We may have the problem fixed with the tractor. with one small problem still on going. Cliff might be able to help with this one. What is the best way to fix a small pinhole leak in the gas tank? It is a Farmall Super C.

Gas prices seem to have stabilized around here lately. It has been holding steady at around $3.87 a gallon.  I told Pat the other day that I do not believe it will matter who gets in as  president the gas prices will not be going down.  He goes on that they need to do what they did back in the 70's with the oil embargo. Sure why not, gas prices did not go down then nor will they now. Our dependence on gas has to break. As long as cars get low mileage we are screwed. The American automakers fight raising mandatory higher gas mileage on vehicles.  They fight tighter emissions standards, they fight everything. 40 miles per gallon is not unrealistic for them. Lower speed limits work too(and helps in other areas too -accident rates etc.) I also told pat that I believe gas will easily be $7 a gallon by 2010 and 2 days later I read a report where the experts say the same thing. Does that make me an expert or what?
Ok I have to get a load of clothes out of the washer and put it in the dryer. Then start another load.
Life will be good if I have to kill to make it so.


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