Friday, April 30, 2004

I am mean

I am a mean Mamaw. I took away the puter and TV and had her write 100 times I will not steal.She told me I was mean and that she wanted to talk to her Papaw because he won't let me punish her. LOLOLOL. O boy did she find out differently!

Tomorrow is another day and so I bid you all goodnight.

School called

The school called me today about Brook. I am so angryand frustrated. It is a good thing that I said that I would deal with it when she came home because by then I will be cooled off. She stole money from my pocketbook and was handing it out to kids. Her teacher caught her and collected the money back from the kids. She did not get all the money back I am sure because I am missing $40 and she mentioned that it was about $30. Why did she do that? What am I going to do? She will be grounded and I am still thinking of what else to do. What can I do to stop this from happening again?

Today I recieved an awesome link. I hope each of you try this. It is called Purpose.

Too late the rain is here. LOL

The day begins

It looks glummy outside but the temperature feels great. I went walking this morning right after the bus picked up Brook. Walked a mile and half, the first half of the walk is uphill. It was so quiet out there this morning, no cows talking or dogs barking and no traffic. A good way to start a good day. Well I am off to my garden, gotta beat the rain.

Thursday, April 29, 2004

The end of the day

I went out this evening and worked in my garden. I love doing that. It really tires me out physically but I don't care. I am so glad that I am able to do it. 2 years ago I did not think I would ever be able to do that again. Father's Day 2001 was a day I will never forget. It changed how I do things and see things in my life. I was thrown from a horse and broke 4 bones in my back. The pain was almost unbearable. I do not know why I am not addicted to pain pills, it would have been so easy to become that way. I remember laying in the bed and being told that if I moved wrong I would be paralized from my waist down. I could not let that happen. I was fighting to keep from losing my granddaughter. She depended on me and I could not let her down. I knew if they thought that I was hooked on drugs even though it was my precription pain killers they would take her. They had already told me that. So 3 weeks after I broke my back I had to go into court and convince a judge that I was capable of taking care of her. I was in a wheelchair and I was scared, DFAC told the judge that Brook should be in foster care until they felt that it was safe to return her. HA! They would never feel that way. The judge listened to me and gave me one month. I went back in 1 month walking with a walker. I showed him my determination to make things work out. I won. Now I have won more than just that.  No longer do I feel pain that brings tears to my eyes, just twings every now and then. I do have to do something's differently but it is what everyone should do. No, I did not have surgery on my back, I just take 1 pill daily. Now no matter what I do I think about what could have been. Sure I had a bit of nerve damage from my back breaking but I can live with it. I also live with the knowledge that I am stronger than I had ever given myself credit for. I am a survivor. I can take what life throws at me.

Reading other blogs

I was checking out some of the other journals and this is one I think everyone should see by onestrangecat

It has a link on it to help fund free mammograms for women. Check it out and click it.

And this journal by bernmilo has a story in it that is outrageous. It could be happening in your on community!

There that has been said.

Visits in the night

Last night we had a visitor. Little varmit snuck in on me and put a dollar under Brook's pillow. LOL. I had the job of pulling a tooth yesterday morning. In the excitment of getting ready for school trip I forgot all about it. So now there is a large window in her mouth. both of the two front teeth on top are out. It is so cute. One the top ones is barely peeking out of the gum, soon she will be able to eat apples the right way again. Next those pesky molars will show up and on and on until to the dentist we go for braces or wisdom teeth. I AM GETTING OLD!!!!

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

My 2 men

I was sitting here in front of puter and turned to look in livimngroon and there they were, my 2 men. Sitting on the couch together, loving each other. A beautiful sight, my 2 men. My cat and my hunny.


Have you ever been with a group of 6 year olds discovering things they have never seen before? Today I went as a chaperone to the Creative Discovery Museum in Chatanooga Tennessee. It was awesome ( quoting a little boy ). They looked for dinosaur bones, played with magnets, lights and musical instruments that are not  typical. Played with water and saw what power it had. And of course PLAYED!!!!! I got right in there with them because I am just a kid at heart I guess.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Risk taking

What have you done that is risky? Everything you do has some sort of risk factor. Falling in love is taking a risk. You could get your heart broke or... you will be with the same person for the rest of your life. Walking down the street is taking a risk. You could get hit by a car or bit by a dog, or... you could see a bluebird sitting on a fence. Driving a car is a risk. You could be in an accident and be hurt or killed, or... you could arrive at a place that will give you memories to enjoy in years to come. The skydiver takes the risk of his chute not opening, or maybe he will soar with the eagles high above the earth. Trying a new food has the risk of eatting something that tastes really bad, or... the joy of tasting a delight that you will want again. Just getting up in the morning is taking a risk. You are taking the risk of actually living a life. Life is a risk, the biggest of all.


Today my granddaughter read a book to me as soon as she got home from school. She is in kindergarten. She was so happy because it was a book that she gets to keep. She loves books. I started reading to her in the hospital right after she was born. Everyday we read a book. Now she reads to me. She is proud because she is on the 100 word train at school. She thinks she only knows 100 words. LOL! She can read so many more words than that. I have to watch what I type in front of her now. She comes up behind me and start reading my IM's out loud! Yep she also knows chat ! Can't hide a thing from her if I wanted to!

I am thrilled that she loves to read. Books were the one thing that I knew I could always count on. I know that right now it is the excitement of being able to read what the words say. But soon I hope that she discovers the excitement of going to places that she will never go to in real life and live it in her mind. The journeys to King Arthur's court, Daniel Boone, the Gold Rush, deep underneath the seas with Nemo, outer space, romance and mysteries, all these and so much more awaits her. I hope that she expands her mind with new knowledge and please her eyes and her emotions with the senations of reading a book. I wish for her the joy of reading and losing herself in the book and laughing , crying , hurting, smiling, blushing , just what ever.

Reading, probally the greatest love of my life and I hope it will become hers.

Monday, April 26, 2004

Vacation is over

Vacation is over and Pat has gone back to work on second shift. The last 5 months that he has been working first has been great. I miss him already. There was so much more I wanted to do with him and did not get the chance. Oh well life goes on.

Saturday, April 24, 2004

The stud

Today was a good day. I found a stud. Oh let me tell you he is one fine stud. Tall, strong yet gentle. And he is one smooth talker! He is beautiful paint horse. You did not think I was talking about for me did ya? He is balck and white. I think I will breed both of our mares to him.

it was really fun going out to the farm where they keep him. There were about 90 horses there with several newborns  prancing about. They have such high spirits, running around and checking out all the new sights. Everything is new so there is a lot to look at. It must be wonderful to see everything for the first time. I know I feel such wonderment when I see something I have never seen before. How do you think a baby feels? WOW! Waht's that? Mama tell me what is it?LOL. Fresh eyes to see things in a fresh way. What joy.

Thursday, April 22, 2004

Thought for the day

Honest Criticism

Honest criticism is hard to take,

particularly from a relative,
a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.

~Franklin P. Jones~

Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Alone or nearly so..........

I am alone tonight or nearly so. Brook is getting ready for bed and Pat is supposed to be at his Mama's and then to his uncle's house to get the tiller fixed. I know he did not go to his uncle's house because he did not take the tiller with him. I suppose I will fix it myself tomorrow. He did not want me to go with him . It makes me wonder when he does this. I hate when I feel like this. I feel like he does not want to be with me. I know he has to have space and it is his vacation. I guess I am jealous that he has someplace to go and I don't. I have no place to go except here. my friends live elsewhere so I cannot go see them. I have only seen my sisterone time for about 5 minutes in almost a year and my brother I have not seen since the funeral. What is so sad is I do not even know where they live. I knew that when mama died the family would split up. She was the only thing keeping everyone together. I miss my family but I can not force them to respond to my invites to visit. I will keep trying but I fear that I am a nonentity to them. It hurts knowing that your own family wants nothing to do with you. My whole life I have felt isolated and now I truly am.

the visitor was hairy

We had a hairy visitor just now. The dog did not like him. LOL. Our neighbor's minature donkey followed my hunny home when he went and got Belle. the other horses were raising a fuss about it. This donkey is only about 2 feet tall. It is so cute..

Tuesday, April 20, 2004

My friend Sebastian

Sebastian is my cat, my friend. He has been with me since I rescued him from the pound. Yes I said pound, not animal shelter. He was 3 weeks old and was about to be put down when I got him. He is 18 years old now. He has been through a lot with me and he has put me through a lot. I have many memories of him and I hope to make many more. He is aging now and it is starting to show. He has lost a lot of muscle tone now and a few teeth. His prefered activity is sleeping and eatting. Most all he wants all the loving he can get from you. If you are asleep and he's not , well your hand had better be under the covers because he will start rubbing his head on it.

I remember one time when he was about 5 years old, he fell out of the window. Now I know you are saying so? Well this cat had never been outside before and what do you think is the first thing he did? He climbed the biggest tree around! That's right a giant oak tree that was in our front yard. Well I could not get anybody to help get him out of the tree. one of the neighborhood kids climbed up in the tree but Sebastian climbed higher. He climbed so high that I knew the branch would break from his weight. he weighed 15 pounds! not fat just a big cat! He was there for 3 days, crying the most pitiful sound, then he stopped. I thought he was dead. An old boyfriend of my daughter heard about him and came over the day Sebastian stopped crying. He brought tree climbing gear with him and climbed up that tree and got Sebastian. This was one amazing guy. He was terrified of heights but fought his fear in order to save my cat. That is a special person.

Evening and I am pooped

The day is almost over and I am pooped. Pat and I worked on fixing fence line today.If only it was that. First thing we had to do was clear out the honeysuckle, briars, and poison sumac. It was a mess. I swung the brush whacker so much my shoulders and neck are sore. We cleared about 30 feet of fence line. Next holes had to be dug and the poles put in. We strung up barbed wire. Not my choice of fencing but it works.After all this I bet Belle our jumping fool of a horse will still jump out.


Morning once again I think

Morning is here once again, at least i think it is morning! It is dark outside but not for long. soon the cats will realize I am up and they will start knocking at the door telling me to let them in. They act like they are starving to death. Brook is getting ready for school, the bus will be here soon. Soon the sun will be up and I get to once more go work outside on our place. I love doing that. Today I hope to finish cutting the yard. Now you have to realize my yard area is probally about one to two acres so I do not get it down real fast but I don't mind.

Well time for the trip to the bus stop.

Monday, April 19, 2004

The day is coming to an end

Today has been a busy day. We worked on the tractor until we got it going then Pat started discing the garden for me. I got part of the yard cut with the mower. I tell you the grass is really growing! It needed cutting last week but the rain kept me from doing so. Now it is almost as high as a hay field! LOL. It will take 2 times cutting it to get it cut right. o well I do not mind doing that. I love getting outside and cutting the grass. I do a lot of thinking while I am riding on the lawnmower or when I am out cutting the fields. It is something that takes hours to do and your thought tend to turn inward.

I was sitting outside watching Pat disc the garden and as I was looking around I realized that this farm is my whole world. sure I go other places like the store but basically this is my whole world. my best friend moved to Atlanta a couple years ago and now my other friend has gone to Flordia for an unknown amount of time. I don't know if she will be coming back. I am 44 years old and I have 2 friends that I know personally. Sure I know some people online but it is not the same thing. It is hard to hug your buddy list. How did I ever get here? Why didn't I make friends like other people did as they were growing up? Sure I knew a few people in the neighborhood but I can not say yeah they are my friends. I have no idea where they are now and I do not care to find out. I think I will stop for now as I really do not want to get down. It is time for me to stop thinking and just relax.

Time for a cappuccino and to just relax on the couch with my hunny.

I woke up this morning and I was hurting. i guess I had better go buy some new pillows. My neck and shoulder were froze up. I put some deep heat on it and a heating pad but it was not a lot of help. Pat rubbed it but the knot was so big that he could not get it to move. It has loosen up some but not enough. I will not be here much today if I do not get it loosened up more.

I had a beautiful evening. We went out to eat and it it really felt good to get out with my family.

LOL! Pat is chasing the kitten! Now the kitten is chasing him! It is so cute watching him play with the baby. You would think he was a kid the way he plays sometimes. Gotta go need caffine! Got to have my cup of hot tea.

Sunday, April 18, 2004

Random facts about me

Weekend assignment

10 Random facts about me The lite version


  1. I am a bookworm. I read the town's entire library by the time I was in 7th grade. I would read as many as 5 books a day.
  2. I do not read much anymore as my eyesight has become more near sighted as the years go by.
  3. I hitchhiked across country when I was 15. From Denver to Mississippi, California to Denver,  were the longest trips at one time.
  4. I am hardheaded. (takes a lot for me to admit that )
  5. I am anorexic and fat. I have overcome it and so now that I am now fat( yes I am ! I weigh over 175 now ) it is hard for me to lose for fear of being that skeleton again. I once weighed 75 pounds @ 5'7" tall.
  6. I am afraid of being alone at the end.
  7. I have some Cherokee in me and I do not claim to be a "princess" like so many do.
  8. I never heard a bird sing or crickets until I was in 5th grade when I got my first hearing aid. I did not know that I was deaf and that you were actually supposed to hear those sounds. I thought that they were created by writers for books.
  9. I wanted to be a mother and have 4 kids. I never dreamed of being a nurse or doctor or teacher or anything else.
  10. I love living on a farm.



The sound of laughter has been just flying through the house this morning. I love hearing that. Brook and Papaw are just giggling and laughing as they play. Probally one of the most beautiful sounds in the world. A wonderful way to start the day off. I highly recommend it!

Saturday, April 17, 2004

Yard sale

Went by a yard, I just cannot seem to resist those if I have a few dollars in my pocket. I bought Brook a Little Tykes Nursrey center. $4. i could not pass that up. She loves playing with her dolls. All she has to do is clean up her room and she gets it.

Saturday morning

Today is beautiful. Pat decided to not go in to work. He is on vacation now. The white horse is still here but she is running loose in the yard. 3 times we have put her up since 7 am but in less than 5 minutes she is out again. She is back in again and we let Crystal out. It's funny she is staying in right now. I wonder if it is her mama that is causing her to leave?

I need to get busy. Got laundry to do before going to visit my daughter.

Friday, April 16, 2004


WOW!! My hunny came home and gave me an early birthday present! My birthday is not until next month. he gave me a beautiful diamond ring!! the only time he ever spent that much on me was when he bought me a saddle!

Back from court

While sitting in I almost had a heart attack. It's true my chest felt like an elephant was sitting on it and I had sharp stabbing pain. The judge had just said I could give you 30 years, and here I was sitting there thinking 5 at the most. The DA was pushing for a full 5 years in prison and the probation officer, God bless him, was satisifed with the time she had done already. Well the judge was definatly a man of compassion, he gave her 6 months in the county jail. She will be home for the holidays this year. LOL and probally for a few more years after that. She will have a time of it reporting to 2 different probation officers but she will do it. 6 months, I start to cry everytime I think of it.

getting ready

Today is a bad day. I started out by being grippy with Brook, the cat brought her one surviving kitten in the house and I have to go to court. That is the one single reason why it is a bad day. I am scared that my daughter will be sent away for a long time and it is not a good feeling.

She called me last night and I could hear the fear in her voice. She was wishing that she had not done the right thing and turned herself in. I know she did the right thing but she is needed at home. Her daughter needs to get to know her mama. She has already missed so much of her life and she will never be able to make that up. 3 years is a long time to not be there. I have been mama for so long that it will be  hard to give that up. Drying up the tears, kissing the booboos, the games, the laughter, the first tooth, the first day of school, all of those things I got to share with Brook. My heart aches at the thought of giving it up but I know that someday ( and that someday may be real soon ) I will have to let go. I feel my heart getting so tight now just thinking of it.

Time for me to go. I will be back later.

Thursday, April 15, 2004

Well pooey. i have been trying all week to keep Miss Ugly out of the house so she would have her kittens outside and she snuck in when Brook came home and proceeded to have 3 under the couch. One was dead and I believe another one was close to death. It was cold but still active. i put them out in the haybarn after fixing up a box. She sure did not like that. I am not sure if she is going to have more. She is still bleeding.

Back from Walmart

Well I got back from Walmart and what do I see but a white horse in my front yard. i had hoped that I had fixed the fence where she was getting out at but of cousre she found another place she could jump over. That horse is a jumping fool. I hate to say it but I guess we will have to sell her. If we cannot keep her at home then there is no reason to keep her. I do not want to keep her locked up in a stall all the time so I guess it is adios to her. She would not let me catch her to put her back in the field.

Utoh there she goes! Running across the back field.

Well by the time I got my shoes on and outside she is gone. I saw her running across the neighbor's field that lives behind us. He has male horses over there. they can't do anything except lie to her so I really don't see why she insists on going over there. I guess it is kind of like some people, they have to be with the stupid jerks they do nothing but lie to them, make promises that they cannot possibly keep.

Well Brook is home now. Scared me when she came in the door. She was home early. The bus got here 10 minutes early. I hate when that happens. I do not like for her to walk up that driveway without me. She said she had a good time on her field trip. Rode a train and hollared when they went through a tunnel! I wish I could have gone. I like going on the trips with the kids. I love seeing their reactions to new things. The look that comes to their face, eyes wide, mouth open, the finger pointing and whispers or shouts in some caes. I wish sometimes that I could see things once again as a child.

April 15th

Today is April 15th. I got up at 4:30 this morning, course I do that most days. Fixed a cup of hot tea  and some apple juice for honeypie. Gave him his pills which he hates to take. This is the end of the fourth week of him quitting smoking. He is doing good.  Finally got him off to work and then fixed Brook's lunch. She is going to the Railroad Musuem today and wanted to take her lunch. I fixed her sandwich and cut it with a cookie cutter shaped like an umbrella. That will surprise her. After I got her up and she got ready for school I read her a book about a dog that ran the Iditarod race. It caused me to tear up. The dog had so much heart. The name of it was Aliksa or something like that. After that on to the internet! Read a few mails and went to play Word Whomp Whackdown, like that game.

I wish that the ground would dry up. I want to get my garden in. It is a fairly big garden that I put in every year. I am hoping I find someone to till it up that has a tractor with a pull tiller. if not the next week I will start tilling it with my hand tiller. I love getting out there and working in my garden. It always makes me feel good.

Well I have to go now. Need to get to bank and Walmart. Cats are hungry!