This weekend was slow and quiet. Way too quiet. No fights(good thing) no phone calls from Brook(sad thing)no visits from anybody(good and bad thing).

I wonder at times why we love the men(or women) we do. Why is it so hard to put into words that feeling you have inside of you. What is it that keeps us with the person we are with?
I know when I look at Pat or think about him I have this wide range of emotions. In matter of seconds I might feel my heart squeezing, a smile on my lips, tears in my eyes, anger in my head How long can a person continue feeling sad and happy at the same time? My anger is not just directed at him, it is directed at me also. My sadness is not just about what is happening with me and Pat, but with the rest of my family.
I am unable to deal with the happiness, sadness, or whatever else anybody else is having right now. At least not in person. I can read about it but I cannot be involved in it. I went to my niece's wedding last weekend and it was beautiful. All I could think of is that I hope she never has the drama in her life that I have or that has been in other members of the family. My mama taught me well how to smile and laugh even though you are suffering.