Friday, July 28, 2006


" By seeking and blundering we learn"

~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I have learned a lot from blunders.



Wednesday, July 26, 2006

a bit of trouble

Please forgive me if I do not comment or write much the next few days. I had a bit of trouble here this morning.  I was washing dishes and i had a glass shatter in my hands. I cut both hands but I had to  get stitches in my right index finger. I am typing left handed and it is not easy if you are not used to it. And it hurts! Yes, I  can hold a guy's throat together that has been slashed from ear to ear and squirting blood (which I have done.... the holding not the slashing!)but I become a baby when it is my own blood.



Monday, July 24, 2006

weekend happenings

 Thursday Pat got the bike out of the shop. It was a little over $500 for tires and back brakes. OUCH! Been missing that bike!

This past weekend was a very full one. After I got my walk in, I rode my inside bike for 30 minutes. That's right, an inside bike LOL. Pat found some kind of a magnetic resistance exercise bike on the side of the road. nothing wrong with it. I guess they got tired of it or something. I love it! I have it in my living room  right in front of the TV. I have been putting in an hour a day pedaling it now! Those pounds are going to come off one way or another!

Anyway after all that Pat got up and we hit the road! we got the bike out and went riding thru the country! It was great! The temperature was good, not too hot or humid. We only intended to be out for a bit but a bit turned into awhile. After we got home we got the horses out and rode them! It felt so good to have my horse under me again. It has been so hot it has been cruel to even think of riding them. Can you imagine it being 100 degrees out and have some one put over 200 pounds on your back and make you carry it!? They did develop a good layer of sweat during the ride. Precious is so fat that any amount of exercise will do that to her. We rode until dark. Afterwards K came up and we had a good talk and a few laughs. It is good to have friends over.

Sunday was pretty much a repeat of Saturday except we had a good breakfast at K's house. She cooked up a monster of a meal! Afterwards Pat and I hit the road again, came home and saddled up again. This weekend consisted on riding one thing or another! It was good!

I have not seen Brook for a bit. Saturday they went to Dallas to take Johnny's mother home. they were due back today but they won't be in until tomorrow. I miss her so much. It feels like the biggest and best part of my life has been taken away from me.

Today I had my doctor's visit. Lots of blood was taken from me. I swear she is a vampire! Let's see, CBC, Thyroid, Sugar, cholesterol, and liver panel and who knows what else! She also put me on a Z Pack for sinus infection. My lymph nodes were real swollen. So add 2 more pills a day for a bit then 1 more pill for sinuses. It feels like I will have to take a pill just so I can take my pills! According to her scales I have lost 6 pounds since last visit. Not bad I guess. I would like for it to be more. Hopefully on the next visit it will be.

That's it for now. Got to let the dog out and put the cats out. I am tired again and I have not done anything!


Sunday, July 23, 2006

I have had a busy full weekend. Tomorrow I will take time and write about it. Tonight I am going to rest, a well deserved rest!

Saturday, July 22, 2006

moments, milestones

“Life isn't a matter of milestones but of moments”

 Rose F. Kennedy, mother of John F. Kennedy

I look back over my life and I can see lots of moments that became milestones. Sometimes those moments are moments that we wished had never happened but they cannot be changed now. Life is made up of all of them, good and bad. Death, birth, that peaceful moment right before dawn, the light touch on the hand and the kick in the head, all add up to our moments that make up our life.

 I can think of so many moments that are my milestones. The death of my parents, each one shaped my life in different ways. The birth of my daughter, her creation only took a moment, her birth another moment. In another moment, I almost lost her. My granddaughter is another moment that shaped my life. With the coming of her into my life, life became joyful again. Another moment, a look across a crowded room, a kiss under the stars... Other moments not so pleasant to remember, hands on my throat, a fist, a kick, drugs and drink... Hard to think of them as milestones but they were, they were a part of my life that shaped me and made me who I am today.

One important milestone in my life was on April 15, 2004, the day I made my first entry here. There have been people to come and people to go thru here, there will be more to come and go. Each and everyone of you are moments in my life that I treasure.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Saying thank you

I received an alert this morning from a journal I read, Lost in my own thoughts, that I just had to copy.

There is a web site dedicated to sending postcards to a soldier stationed in Iraq and other overseas places that just says thank you. You can write your own message n the space and Xerox will print it out and mail it to a soldier. Go there now and Let's Say Thanks!


Thursday, July 20, 2006

Good morning

I got my walking in this morning. We are going for 30 minutes at a time now. The pace has been stepped up and we are walking a bit further. But first thing I had to do this morning was put my horse back in the pasture. For some reason she was in the back yard. The fence must be down in some place. She has a tough skin or something because she will walk thru briars to get to where she wants to be. So now they are locked back in the front pasture until I find where it is broke at and fix it. No she did not jump the fence. She is way to fat to do that. So I actually got more walking than I normally do.

I was sore this morning for my walk. Pushing that lawn mower and walking to empty that heavy grass catcher wore me out. I feel fine now. I just came in from weeding in the garden again. It felt like it was a bit cooler today so I was out there until 10 am. It is 84 now with heat index of 89. Not a real bad temperature but I started feeling after being out there awhile. They say it is only supposed to get to 95 today. Calling for storms on Saturday, we sure could use the rain if it will soak in.

Ok I am out of here, going to play a game then get busy in the house. Pat will be up soon and I thing his bike may be ready for pick up.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006


It has been hot today and is going to get hotter tomorrow. Hopefully this heat will break BEFORE the dog days get here.

I got some weeding done this morning after my walk. I have little green beans on some of my plants so I should be getting some soon. There is corn ready to be picked now too.

Hopefully we will get the pool in this weekend. I got the grass cut around where the pool is to be and sprayed it with perma kill. In the morning I will go get some sand and put some more down on top of the ground cover.

I had to use a push mower to cut the grass. My riding mower will not start. I guess the starter has gone out in it. Lucky for me, the puch mower is an easy cranker. The push mower has a grass catcher attachment that has to be on it and it fills up fast! I can't run it without the grass catcher on it because it is a rear bagger  and if you run it without the bag you gewt all the grass and stuff thrown in your face. I'm tired now so I will see yall later.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

letter to the editor

Sent: Tuesday, July 11, 2006 9:38 PM

          From: "David LaBonte"
          My wife, Rosemary, wrote a wonderful letter to the editor of the Orange County Register which, of course, was not printed. So, I decided to "print"it myself by sending it out on the Internet. Pass it along if you feel so inclined.
Dave LaBonte (signed)
          Written in response to a series of letters to the editor in
the Orange  County Register:
          Dear Editor:
          So many letter writers have based their arguments on how this land is made up of immigrants. Ernie Lujan for one, suggests we should tear down the Statute of Liberty because the people now in question aren't being treated the same as those who passed through Ellis Island and other ports of entry.
          Maybe we should turn to our history books and point out to people like Mr. Lujan why today's American is not willing to accept this new kind of immigrant any longer.
          Back in 1900 when there was a rush from all areas of Europe to come to the  United States, people had to get off a ship and stand in a long line in New York and be documented. Some would even get down on their hands and knees and kiss the ground.  They made a pledge to uphold the laws and support their new country in good and bad times. They made learning English a primary rule in their new American households and some even changed their names to blend in with their new home.
          They had waved good bye to their birth place to give their
children a new life and did everything in their power to help their children assimilate into one culture. Nothing was handed to them. No free lunches, no welfare, no labor laws to protect them.
          All they had were the skills and craftsmanship they had
brought with them to trade for a future of prosperity. Most of their children came of age when World War II broke out. My father fought along side men whose parents hadcome straight over from Germany, Italy, France and Japan. None of these 1st generation Americans ever gave any thought about what country their  parents had come from.
          They were Americans fighting Hitler, Mussolini and the
Emperor of Japan. They were defending the United States of America as one people. When we liberated France, no one in those villages were looking for the French-American or the German-American or the Irish-American. The people of France saw only Americans.
          And we carried one flag that represented one country. Not one of those immigrant sons would have thought about picking up another country's flag  and waving it to represent who they were. It would have been a disgrace to their parents who had sacrificed so much to be here. These immigrants truly knew what it meant to be an American. They stirred the
melting pot into one red, white and blue bowl.
          And here we are in 2006 with a new kind o f immigrant who wants the same rights and privileges. Only they want to achieve it by playing with a different set of rules, one that includes the entitlement card and a guarantee of being faithful to their mother country. I'm sorry, that's not  what being an American is all about.
          I believe that the immigrants who landed on Ellis Island in
the early 1900's deserve better than that for all the toil, hard work and sacrifice in raising future generations to create a land that has become a beacon for those legally searching for a better life.
          I think they would be appalled that they are being used as
an example by those waving foreign country flags.
          And for that suggestion about taking down the Statute of
Liberty, it happens to mean a lot to the citizens who are voting on the immigration bill. I wouldn't start talking about dismantling the United States just yet.
          (signed) Rosemary LaBonte

Monday, July 17, 2006

Just picking

Got up this morning in a good mood. I knew that I was going to walk even if my friend does not. I am determined to keep it up no matter what. It felt good out there this morning. It was only 71 when I started out. It is 82 now with a heat index of 88 and it is only 9 am!

After my walk I had to dispose of a dog( the one in the pen) that died during the night. I do not know why. He was alive when I fed him last night. Maybe the heat got him or he had something else wrong. The dog never gained weight. ate everything you gave him and was wormed regularly.

After that I went into my garden and did some picking. I picked a good amount of brussel sprouts and green peppers. There were a few tomatoes to pick also. I think that I will be picking corn by this weekend if not sooner. This evening I believe (if it is not too hot) I will do some tilling and get some squash in. It is easier if everything does not come in at the same time!

I hear Pat in the next room so it is time to get breakfast ready. Have a great day! I will be back later with my 10 good things.

Saturday, July 15, 2006


"Most of us are just as happy as we make up our minds to be."~ William Adams, the first Englishman to visit Japan


Storms are supposed to be bouncing around the area today. It is also supposed to be in the upper 90s. Right now it feels good outside, only 76 with a heat index of 81. The humidity is 89% though. Makes for a sticky day.

I walked this morning even though I did not think we would be able to. It was thundering at 5:30 so I figured it would be raining. I was wrong and I am glad. It was a pretty good walk although there was one sad sight. There was a dead calf in the field next to us. Afraid that it must have been killed in the night. There are coyotes in the area and also a few dogs running loose that we do not know who they belong to. I don't believe they are from here. They do appear to be on the lean side. People feel that because we live out in the country that they can just drop off their unwanted animals and us farm people will just take them in. What they don't realize is that most of those animals meet the wrong end of a bullet or starve to death or are killed by traffic or coyotes. It is far less cruel to drop them at a shelter even if it does not have a no kill policy. Come on people they do not charge you to leave an animal there!

No more rant,

Put some poles in the ground this morning for my beans to twine up. They are growing fast. I need to get some more bamboo cut so they have plenty to twine on. My Crowder peas need some too. They are bush peas but they do send out vines. It does help to keep them in their own row if you have sticks to twine on. I picked some bell peppers today. I have some Brussel sprouts to pick also. I will wait until the plants are dry to pick them though.

The horses loved the rain yesterday. It cooled them off. Afterwards they both went out and rolled in the mud. They knew that it would get hot and muggy afterwards and the flies would attack!

We have a fresh crop of skeeters this morning and last night. I walked outside and I got swarmed by them, even had a few bite me. That is unusual for me. They do not normally bite me. If they do they rarely raise a welt on me. And no I do not wear a repellent!

Anybody out there considering a motorcycle? They are great to have but boy are they high to maintain! 2 tires mounted on bike is going to put us back a pretty penny! It is going to cost us almost $500 to buy them and have them put on.

We are going to take off on a road trip after we get the bike fixed. We may not get to go until school starts or maybe we will just take a couple of days before school starts. I can't wait! We have not discussed where we are going but I doubt it will be very far, maybe only a couple hundred miles this first time. Might pack the tent and camp out or something like that. I don't care. I just want to go away somewhere with my hunny. We really need some time away so we can reconnect with each other and relax.

That's it for now. The dryer buzzed and the washer quit so I need to get busy again. Have a great day!


Thursday, July 13, 2006

once more

So I had this long entry typed and clicked save and got the dreaded blue screen! So here goes again.

It is 9:00 now(instead of 8:30) and it is hot already. 85 outside and humid almost beyond belief. Just got back from walking (well actually got back 30 minutes ago now). I walked for a little over a mile with the first half being uphill. I know it is not much but it is further than my walking partner and I have been doing. I can walk more but she is unable to right now. Nice walk even if  I did get  the poop scared out of me. Some quail decided to take off on right across the road in front of us almost brushing us with their wings!

Had dinner last night in Cleveland. My son in law's mother is in from Dallas and invited us up for dinner. It was real good. It was some kind of chicken dish that had green gravy. I wish I knew how to fix it. Johnny does not know how to make the gravy.

Brook is having trouble with her arm. She is really hurting when she tries to move it. She is unable to or unwilling to straighten her arm or bend it all the way. If this keeps up I will be asking the doctor if perhaps he thinks physical therapy would be good for her. If he says no then I will ask her regular doctor.

I was reminded yesterday why I do not like having 2 dogs. My 2 got together and terrorized a tiny kitten. Luckily this time it was not hurt. Their barking gave it away and got them caught. I looked out just in time to see it get flipped in the air.

I have got to finish working outside. Maybe later right befor the rain gets here it will cool off and I can do some stuff. I need to do some weed whacking by the barn and the gate, finishing the area for the pool, weed in the garden.... Dang I sure can think of a lot of stuff to do for a lazy person!

Time to go drink my water. See yall later.

Just had to

  You know You are from Georgia When...

1. You can properly pronounce Chickamauga, DeKalb, Dahlonega, Smyrna, Buena Vista, Valdosta, Okefenokee, and La Fayette.
(P.S. Atlanta = ADD-LANNA not AT-LANT-A.)

2. You think people who complain about the heat in their states are sissies.

3. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and look for a funnel.

4. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.

5. Stores don't have bags or shopping carts, they have sacks and buggies.

6. You've seen people wear bib overalls at weddings and funerals.

7. You think everyone from a Yankee-state has an accent.

8. You measure distance in minutes.

9. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean.

10. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.

11. You know cow pies are not made of beef.

12. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding date.

13. You know someone who has a belt buckle bigger than your fist.

14. Almost everyone you know is either Baptist or Methodist.

15. A Mercedes Benz isn't a status symbol. A Chevy Silverado Extended Bed Crew Cab is.

16. You know everything goes better with Ranch dressing.

Monday, July 10, 2006

good day , with a twist

I had a wonderful day yesterday. The kids came over after church and did some yardwork getting it ready for the pool. LOL They did not get a lot of it done before we got hit with a big rain! They came in soaked! the sky just opened up and started pouring!

I fixed dinner, (pork loins, green beans, corn, salad bar, and rolls) and my friend K brought up some fresh baked zucchini bread. We ate out on the patio set and had a good visit. The temperature had cooled off and there was plenty to eat. After dinner we got the horses out and rode them. They are behaving so much better with Belle gone. Neither horse gave us a lick of trouble. As fat as Precious is, she gave me a ride that was enjoyable. My son in law ride her also. It was his first time on a horse. Now he is a rather large man (300 pounds) so Precious was the only one that could handle him.( She is pushing 1000 pounds herself) I was surprised that she gave him a ride at all. She did , even got up into a rack for him. LOL He did not know that she racks on voice command. You tell her to get up and she starts racking. I love that rack! It is so smooth!

K went home and I went with her for a bit. She wanted to show me something in her yard. It was weird and made me angry. She did not recognize it for what it was. There was a devil star painted in her yard. Someone had painted a sign on the ground in her yard. She thought it was just a circle but as I backed up from it I could see the star inside of it.

Afterwards, when everyone had gone home and Brook was asleep, Pat was talking to me. He said something that just about blew me away. He actually admitted that a lot of the trouble between him and Candy was mostly his fault! Never thought I would hear that coming out of his mouth!

So that was my day. Hope yours was as good.

a thought

"It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop." ~ Confucius


I have found this to be true. I am not losing weight fast, sometimes I am losing at slower than a snail's pace! It is coming off, if not in pounds then in inches. I have found it to be true not just in losing weight. I am applying this to all areas of my life. Flylady says," Keep in mind that your home did not get this way overnight and it is not going to get clean in a day."

Today I start back on Flylady's routines. I have been goofing off and it shows. I will be on line less while I get the chaos back out of my life again.

Sunday, July 9, 2006

Horses,casts and stuff

Brook got her cast off Friday and they put a plaster splint on her arm. She can do less with it on than she could with the cast on! She was not happy with that. He told her no swimming! She has to wear it for 3 weeks. His reasoning behind the no swimming is she would have to move her arm thru the water with force and/or may hit it on something. She has a very thin layer of new bone growth. I saw the x-rays that were taken on Friday. She did not have 3 breaks in the bone, there were 4! She was actually very lucky to not have to have any type of surgery done. After a few hours of wearing the splint I noticed her hand was swollen. Upon closer look I could see that it was discolored and cool to the touch. I knew then that she was in trouble! I loosened the bandages up and could see some improvement right away. By Friday night her hand was almost normal again. Yesterday morning her hand was again swollen and discolored. Candy's next door neighbor is a nurse and she re wrapped her arm again, this time removing the under layer of gauze and re wrapping it also.

Well anyway she almost took no swimming and the other restrictions  in stride. I say almost because this week she had been attending VBS at Cowboy Church. She was also taking a beginners horsemanship class there. She was also doing goat tying! She had to drop the goat tying and almost had to drop the horsemanship class. She promised me she would not do any grabbing with her left hand and would wear the sling.

So last night they had a rodeo for the completion of VBS. I checked her hand and it was looking okay so I gave her permission to ride in the rodeo. She was riding Belle so She was riding a horse I trusted.

The rodeo was so cute. barrel racing started the show off. LOL It was a bunch of little kids that had made some stick horses! They raced around the barrels, some riding side saddle and others were trotting and galloping on top of their new horses. After the stick horse races came Horsemanship. This was the largest group by far. This was Brook's group. Some of these kids had never been on a horse before this class. My Brook rode Belle with her back straight and one handed. They had leads on all the horses but the child was to guide the horse thru the barrel race pattern. One little girl stood out. She had been riding for awhile. Her riding has all been in the horse therapy program. ( If unfamiliar with the program, here is a link that explains it. click here for Horse Therapy)She is confined to a wheelchair. She is such a small thing with a brace on her back. When she started riding she could not sit up without assistance. This child will never walk on her own but she is learning how to guide the horse!

The crowning event of the rodeo was bull riding. Yep you heard me right! Little kids riding bulls! They used miniature Brahma bulls! These little bulls bucked just as hard as their full size counterparts! 2 girls rode also and 1 placed second with her ride. There was one incident where the clown had to do a rescue. The boy's hand got caught in the rope and he could not get off. That was a bit scary!

Today Brook gets to take the splint off and move her arm some. She has to do this 5 times a day for 2 weeks then in the third week she is to increase time out of the splint. She will have new x-rays taken on the 28th and if everything looks good then she will be released. She is looking forward to that.


Saturday, July 8, 2006


"The single biggest problem in communications is the illusion that it has taken place"~ George Bernard Shaw

Thursday, July 6, 2006

a friend

A friend is grieving. Please pay him a visit. Rambling Man

this and that

April showers brings May flowers, except in this case it is July showers makes the garden grow! My garden is jumping overnight!Everything is growing and soon I will be getting produce out of it. It is also time to start planting some other crops. I always wait to plant my squash. It seems if I plant in the spring when you are supposed to I don't get any because it grows a hairy fungus and turns mushy. I am also going to plant watermelon that way I will have some when the store is out of them!

The rain is slowing down the putting up of the pool. I was hoping to have it up and filling it with water today so it would be ready tomorrow. Still a chance but a smaller one now. May be Saturday before we can get it up.

Tomorrow Brook goes back to doctor for x-rays and a new cast or a brace. I hope a brace! She is so tired of taking a halfway bath! She wants a shower and to go swimming!

School starts back in slightly over a month here. Starts back August 10th. That is a bit later than last year. Next year they do not get out until June instead of the middle of May like they did this year.

LOL Brook went thru a growth spurt. Candy had been buying some clothes for school without trying them on. Well the other day she tried some on and they were too tight! Poor kid. She has this tiny waist and nice legs. She needs a size 5 in waist, 8 in length(barely) and 10 in thighs! I guess all that kicking in Tae Kwon Do has built her up!

That's it for today. Enjoy your Thursday.


Wednesday, July 5, 2006

The Fourth

I hope everyone had a good holiday(those of us that live in the States).

Pat and I hung around the house working on getting the area ready for the pool. It was sprinkling so it made it cooler to work outside. After doing all we could outside we cleaned up and headed to Walmart. I needed some ice cream to take to the picnic/cook out we were invited to.

We found where we were going and ate until we were ready to pop! Afterwards fireworks started. Some of these were pretty big fireworks! Now I am leery of people shooting off fireworks having worked in ERs on the holidays in the past. I have seen too many accidents. Last night everything was going well even though my stomach and head kept telling me something was going to happen. And it did. One of the fireworks tipped over and shot one along the ground towards us. It went up the driveway where no one was at thank goodness. Another time one tipped over and a dummy kept trying to stand it up. It was one of those fountain types. I just knew his leg would catch on fire. The rest of the night went without incident. Then it started raining a bit and they started setting them off faster. It was a pretty good display of fireworks. THEN the horrifying thing happened that I was afraid of. One of the large fireworks split and started shooting them along the ground. One shot into the crowd about 5 feet from me. I could see it exploding and grabbed a little child and dived on top of Brook just as the second explosion hit. I would rather be burned myself than have a child burned. Unfortunately right where the first and second explosion happened 2 small children were standing. One was knocked down because it hit her right before the explosion. She only suffered 2 small burns on her chest. I saw it hit her but was not close enough and I did have my hands full. The other child has a few small blisters on her legs. People were hollaring and grabbing them but no one knew what to do. I grabbed one of them and hollared to dunk them in the tub. There was a tub filled with ice and melted ice. We got everybody calmed down and the crowd left.

Of course there is one idiot in every crowd. This one guy gets his picture phone out and takes a picture of the little girl with the burns on her chest. He says hey I got to get this. Not every day you see this happen. And he was laughing. I wanted to smack him so hard.

Not a good end to an otherwise good day.

Monday, July 3, 2006

stupid is....

Although lack of information on a subject may make a person seem ignorant, it takes misinformation to make a person seem stupid.~ unknown

Saturday, July 1, 2006

Hot and tired and the day is not over

I am hot and tired and the day is not over! This morning I went to my friend K's house. We have coffee every morning. Gives us a chance to talk without anyone else around, girl time.


After that I came home and started doing laundry. I know yuck!!! After a bit I went out and cut the very front part of our property. That took about an hour or so. Then I cut some bamboo. My green beans needed to be poled because they are putting runners out to grow beans on. Found out that fresh bamboo is itchy! My arms were itching bad after doing that.

So I am going to go play a game or 2 then get busy cleaning again.

1,000,000,000 for 100?

1,000,000,000 for 100? : John talked about a contest where you would get 1 billion dollars for making a car that got 100 miles to a gallon of gas. He wanted to know our thoughts on it. Well here's mine.

I believe the technology to manufacture this car is already there. Our motorcycle gets 50 MPG right now. It is not a small engine. It is powerful enough to pull a trailer behind it. It was made in 1996. We looked at some new ones and some of them are getting 70 plus MPGs!

What I think the problem is ...who will buy them? Who can afford them? The cheapest car I found is 2007 ChevroletAveo Compact Sedan

MSRP: $9,430-$13,250
City: 26 mpg
Hwy: 34 mpg

reminds me of the old Gremlin... Listed in today's paper is a house in town for $12,000. I am not talking a run down house in a slum area. I have been in this house and it is nice in a nice part of town with trees and flowers. 
Then I see in the paper where the feds have raised interest rates 17 times in the past 5 years to fight inflation. And this is an economy that is doing good? That is what they keep telling us.
So we are a fat nation. They want us to lose weight and get fit. How to do that? Raise the price of food so high we can't afford to eat anything but beans! There we go. That will reduce our demand on gas! We will produce our own!
Wait a minute. How are we going to afford even beans? We have to be able to get to work. How far do you have to drive to work? How much does it cost you to get there and home again? Is it fair that we are having to pay MORE each month for gas to get to work to pay the bills and buy food than our mortgage payment is? As I understand it, housing is supposed to be our biggest expense not gas!
So come on develop that car. Let us look at it and wonder how can we afford it.