Saturday, August 30, 2008

Friday, August 29, 2008

updating stuff

I got my medicine. I am doing much better.
Now for the big news. Tomorrow I am leaving. Leaving for the Blue Ridge {Parkway for 5 days. Pat and I are taking off on the bike and heading for the hills. We will be camping out. Just me and him. By ourselves. No internet, possibly no cell coverage at time. I am so excited. I have not said anything because I did not want to jinx a thing!!!! We so need this time.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008


This news just in:  8/23/08 @ 7:55 AM...

All of the Wal-Marts across Alabama sold out of ammunition as of yesterday.

A reliable source said that one of the purchasers commented that while Russia
may have invaded Georgia, they sure as hell ain't doin' it to Alabama.

Monday, August 25, 2008

I am so not in a good mood. I hurt and I am tired of hurting. Sometime last week I apparently was bit by something, probably a brown recluse spider. Today I get into the doctor. That went well. Filling the prescription did not. I took it to the pharmacy and they said about 1 hour. I go to pick it up and find out that it was going to cost mega bucks. I say why. They say well you doctor has to get this drug preapproved for insurance to pay! I am like ok, did you call Doctor? Oh yes we faxed it to him about 10 minutes ago but we have not heard anything yet. I am like what? You have had this an hour and you wait until now to do that? AND THE OFFICE IS CLOSED NOW! I am vert tempted to head to er right now. I am hurting. I have lumps in my leg, a big black place where I was bit. My ingunial  lymph nodes are swollen to pecan size. My head hurts bad and has for 4-5 days now. The doctor thinks it is the posion not the fall I had. I am not so sure.

Thursday, August 21, 2008


Either no alerts or everybody is tired of hearing me whine. No matter. I am here to stay in one form or another.

I took Brook to the Dentist this morning. She goes back in 2 weeks to get 1 tooth pulled and possibly 2 others. The "big girl" teeth are there but the baby ones are not turning loose. No cavities, which is good and except for the one that is coming in wrong her teeth are straight and not crowded. After the tooth is pulled that tooth may very well drop into place where it belongs.

Today has been a very ho hum day other than that. So far all I have done is play games. I have a headache and really do not feel like doing a thing.

I am working on getting back into reading and commenting. I have not forgotten anybody. I am still reading even if I have not sadi anything. Y'all are my lifeline to the world beyond me.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Life goes on and on

You know that pink rabbit that goes around beating a drum? It goes on and on and on. That is me. I just go on and on no matter what.  Sometimes I just feel like kneeling over and letting my batteries die. Life is strange sometimes.

The situation with Brook and Candiac has brought Pat and me closer. We are not out of the woods, no by a long shot. Love is strange. Never did I imagine  that I would stay in this situation but here I am, fighting for our life.

Candiac has been allowing me to take Brook to Tae Kwon Do. And tomorrow I get to take her to the dentist. Poor thing has a tooth that is coming in near the top of her gum without the baby tooth under it turning loose. She also has a red place on the other side where maybe the same thing is about to happen.

We got the tractor running somewhat. I was able to cut twice today for about 30 minutes each time. At the rate I am going I might get it finished before the rain from Fay gets here IF it gets here.

By the way. If you are on My Space I want you in my MOB!!! Thanks Rachel! I am HOOKED. Add me!

Friday, August 15, 2008


The tractor is down for the count right now. I was cutting along like nobody's business and next thing I know I see smoke! I knew right away from the smell that it was a belt. I hit the switch and turned it off. Poor thing had to stay in the field all night.
Now it is parked by the hitching post and it has been torn down somewhat. We had to cut the fan belt and remove the fan. the fan locked up. Apparently it is supposed to have grease in it. It had some hard globs in it. Pat worked on it and it is turning freely now. Now we need some grease to pack in it and hopefully it will be ready to go again. I helped remove the fan but my main job has been giving the tractor a blow job. I have been using the air compressor and blowing out the stopped up vanes that surround the radiator. You would not believe how much stuff has been packed in there. Pat said that he has never done that. He would blow off the grill but never did he remove the grill and get down to the nitty gritty. I can tell you, it was GRITTY!
We need to get a new muffler for it also. I would also like to get some paint, Farmall Red, and paint it. Decals would be nice also but I believe they may be rather high dollar items.
Tomorrow is Saturday. I hope that this is a good weekend. I need a good weekend.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

It is over. No longer will I have anything to say about Brook or Candy. I have been cut out of her life completely. I supposed it is my fault. I cannot be what she wants me to be. I hope Brook can forgive me. Some day she may look me up. I hope so.

Rebecca and Liza, stay out of it, Please.

This weekend was slow and quiet. Way too quiet. No fights(good thing) no phone calls from Brook(sad thing)no visits from anybody(good and bad thing).

I wonder at times why we love the men(or women) we do. Why is it so hard to put into words that feeling you have inside of you. What is it that keeps us with the person we are with?
I know when I look at Pat or think about him I have this wide range of emotions. In matter of seconds I might feel my heart squeezing, a smile on my lips, tears in my eyes, anger in my head How long can a person continue feeling sad and happy at the same time? My anger is not just directed at him, it is directed at me also. My sadness is not just about what is happening with me and Pat, but with the rest of my family.
I am unable to deal with the happiness, sadness, or whatever else anybody else is having right now. At least not in person. I can read about it but I cannot be involved in it. I went to my niece's wedding last weekend and it was beautiful. All I could think of is that I hope she never has the drama in her life that I have or that has been in other members of the family. My mama taught me well how to smile and laugh even though you are suffering.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Friday(at least it was)

I got to go a lot of cutting today in the field. It is slow going. If I cut in second gear I break a lot of sheer bolts on the Bush Hog. I am up and down so often that I get nothing done. I fI cut in first gear it is slow going bu at least I am not climbing up and down all the time. The tractor ran great today. I was able to cut for 2 hours without it quitting on me. That was a real big improvement! IT felt so good out there today. A nice breeze stayed blowing and the temperatures were only around 83 the whole time I was out there.
The horses were pretty good about me riding around on the tractor. Usually they kick and run. This time they just moved on. They finally decided nothing was happening so they moved to the back field.
I did not see Brook today.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Food Brook and other stuff

Dinner tonight was a quiet affair. I had wild salmon and sauteed squash. !0 minutes and it was cooked. The salmon I cooked on my Georgwe Foreman grill. The squash I sauteed in Greek Vinaigrette dressing with feta cheese and oregano. It is made by Kraft. 2 tablespoons only has 50 calories and that is all I used.

 I am going to go walking in a bit. I need to get out and do more. I am not losing any more weight and I really need to kick it up again. I have 40 more to go and I will get it off.

Brook did not make it down here today. Her mother was home when she got home from school. I also do not get to take her to Tae Kwon Do tonight either. They decided to go to a ball game. She does not even like ball. I also find this so irresponsible on their part. Brook gets on the bus at 630 in morning and tomorrow is a school day. I seriously doubt that they will be home at a reasonable time tonight.

Brook's birthday is in one month. I guess I will not be part of her party this year. I will just make one of my own for her. Her birthday is on a Tae Kwon Do night so I am planning to take her to dinner and get a cake for the class, maybe cupcakes instead of one that has to be cut.

It rained today for about an hour so I am not able to do any cutting in the field. Darn it. That puts me more behind. I swear if we had the money I would rent a tractor and get it cut in one day.

Ok I am out of here. I need to walk 30 minutes before dark gets here.

settling in

Things have settled in. Candiac will allow Brook to see me as long as Pat is not around. She let her spend the night last night which shocked me and Brook to no ends. Today after school Brook came down to see her papaw even though her mama said she was not to come here until after he leaves. She got in trouble because she came here before 4 oclock. Brook said that Candiac told her that Pat was dead to her and so he was dead to Brook. Brook told me that no way. That she loved him and he would never be dead to her no matter what her mama says. She chooses to try to poison a child's mind. How cruel. I choose to not say anything to Brook about anything. I did tell her that I would not tell her mother that she came to see him ever! That man has been the only man that has been constant in her whole life. Without him, Brook would have been in the foster care program when she was only 2 years old. He bought this trailor so they would not take her away, to provide a safe place for her to live. Her mother picked drugs. @ days before she was due to get her back she was busted by the feds for selling drugs and she was still using. Somehow she faked the drug screens. She was leaving her places, with "friends". I was constantly having to find Brook and retrieve her. Brook does not remember any of that. She was 1 and 2 years old at that time. What Brook does know is I cared for her all the time. I was the one that held her when she cried because mama had to stay in jail. I was the one that held her as she threw up. I was the one that sang to her every night and read her a story. Last night she asked me to sing for her. She is almost 11 years old and wanted to hear Hush little baby. That tells me she is stressed. I will not lay crap on her and hurt her in any way. I know how much it hurts to hear someone say bad things about someone you love. I cannot hurt her. Strangly enough, I can live without my daughter around but not Brook. I know the holidays will be hard because they mean family to me. They will be hard since Pat's family does not like me and my daughter ... Brook's birthday is next month. It will be the first one that I will not get to spend with her. Or maybe I will. It is on a Monday and that is Tae Kwon Do day so maybe...


I cut grass today. What a job when the ground is so dry. Dust kicks up everywhere. After getting the yard done I rode the tractor for about 30 minutes before it started messing up. If it does not rain tomorrow I will ride it again until it does it again. Eventually I will get the field cut. We have replaced teh wiring and the gas line. new points and plugs have been put in also. Next is a core. maybe that will get it going again the way it should be doing. It needs a new clutch because this one slips under starin. That goes make it a bit harder to cut the high stuff.

I lost a hen and 4 more chicks. I am assuming a raccoon. I thought I say coon poop the other day... 2 chciks showed up after being missing for several days. I was surprised to see them. The red hen has 1 chick. It looks as if another rooster has ben in the hen house. this baby hasd white feathers!. You tell me how a rhode island red hen and a half game half rhode island red rooster made a baby with white featers! Not just a few white feathers either!

Ok time to vacuume and hit the showers. I spilled gas on me today and I stink.

Monday, August 4, 2008

I lost

I lost. I lost my family. Candiac stated she is no longer my daughter and Brook will not be allowed here anymore. I do not ever see any way to repair that relationship. She said if I choose to stay with Pat then I no longer have a daughter. She said that I choose Pat when I stepped between them when they were fighting and told her to leave. We had some harsh words today when I said I was unable to pick her up because Pat did not want me being a taxi service. So tempers flared and she threatened to put Pat in jail,disowned me and said Brook will never be allowed here again. So now if Pat and I do not make it then I have nothing.
I lost my daughter years ago. She alwaysthrows up the past to me and blames me. Now I have lost the light of my life and I do not know how to live with it.
Pat said Brook will find a way to see me. I don't see it happening. She is scared of her mother and will not defy her.

Friday, August 1, 2008


Brook insisted on going to school this morning. Poor thing her face was terrible. I made a doctor's appointment for her. When I picked her up at 1 o'clock the black circles under her eyes were no longer black. That worried me. They put her on antibiotics and prednisone.  If it is worse in morning then we have to go back to doctor. They may send her for a ct scan then. Dang. All this for a wasp sting!

Fleas are bad this year. Poor Scampi has had bath after bath. Collars and the stuff from the vet just will not keep up with them.

Well it is Friday. Wonder if the week continues like it has or if...