Tuesday, July 5, 2005

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I am having trouble sleeping tonight.  Been awhile since I had a sleepless night.Things are a bit high tension around here right now.There is stuff going on that I am not ready to talk about and there is stuff going on that I am ready to talk about.

Thursday, Pat and I leave for Indiana to pick up his mother. She will be staying with us until all the utilities are turned back on at her house. Then I will have to go there and clean it up. Her daughter kind of trashed the place and of course no one else in the family can see beyond their own ass to do anything about it. After she gets back home, I will be cooking her meals and taking them to her. She has a daughter that lives a block away that does nothing except take from her. This family is so dyfunctional that if I wrote everything I know about them, no one would believe it.

I will do what the daughters should do. I will bite my tongue once again when members of that family trashtalk me. I will endure the abuse that I will get. I will not allow her to go hungry or live in filth. At least not while she is alone. If daughter J starts coming back around..................

I will only be able to take so much. I do have a breaking point. Unfortunately, my breaking point causes me to meltdown and I start destroying my life. I do not handle emotional stress good. I used to run away in the past. I am 46 years old now and have no where to run to now. Sometimes I do wish I did not exist. Don't worry. That does not mean I have suicidal thoughts.

 

20 comments:

  1. Celeste
    I am sorry you are having some troubled times.  We all go through them but it sure does stink when it is our turn.  I think it is nice and essential you take care of Pat's mother.  Please don't ever think you don't want to exist.  You make a big difference in so many lives and you probably don't even realize how much you are valued by so many.  Try and keep your chin up, and when you are ready to talk to us about the rest of the stuff, we are here for you.
    Sam

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  2. Sorry Celeste.  I hope things take a turn for the better.

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  3. Hang in there.  You'll be in my prayers.

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  4. I am glad Pat's mother has you to care for her. We all have bad days and I think we all have those wishing we didn't exist days. Its the "damn it was a great day" days that we have to live for. Blessings - Candace

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  5. Do not put yourself thru hell for anyone.Call social services and see if there is any help for her...if nothing else you do not have to deal with the rest of the family.I do not have much to do with dh relivtives and it has helped me alot .Even simple phone calls were ways to put me down .So we have a ans. machine and it helps.God bless you and I will be thinking of you.Some people are always right and it is better just to walk away , go outside, to another room, then to try to talk sense into them.Let them live in there pitiful world- lala land-

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  6. Oh Hon'...keep your chin up.  Remember your shoulders...they are meant to carry the weight.                  C.
    http://journals.aol.com/gdireneoe/thedailies

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  7. I agree, thank goodness Pat`s mum does have you.  You obviously care a lot and they have no right to speak badly of you!  Take care Celeste  ((((hugs))))

    Sandra xxxx

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  8. Oh, Celeste, I am sorry you are going through such a bad patch. Family members and relationships can be so difficult, complex and painful that the urge to flee or shut down is is understandable. And can be healthy at times. I hope you can figure out how to take care of yourself in all this chaos. I value your friendship.  Margo

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  9. be strong! do what's right and be tough !
    ~ Julie~ http://journals.aol.com/joolsinwa/randommusingsofmymind

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  10. I am so sorry to hear what you are going through and facing in the near future!  My thoughts and prayers are with you.

    Di

    http:journals.aol.com/jolie424/LuckyBegonia

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  11. You are so nice. Too nice! Sounds like your MIL should move and leave no forwarding address for most of her kids. :-/

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  12. Hello. I am feeling a lot like you are right now. I am a little sad at this point in time. I am not myself like I usually am. I hope that things turn out alright for you in the end. I might get to feeling better in a few days you never know...

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  13. Glad ya'll had a good holiday......and it is no fun at all being a responsible person surrounded by lazy sponges that think only of theirselves!  You are doing the right thing....but you know that!  Someday you'll have your reward and they will have, well, Hell. - Barbara

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  14. :(  I'm sorry.

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  15. Watch "It's a Wonderful Life". Repeat.

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  16. Do what you need to do but take care of yourself also. I hope things start looking up. Thoughts and prayers, Terrie

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  17. Hope you feel better...JAE

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  18. Oh Celeste,
    Wish I was there to help you clean her house.....
    why is it always the good people that have to pick up the trash that others leave behind? BEEN THERE-DONE THAT.
    I will say a prayer for you and your mother-in-law.....I hope she knows what a great daughter-in-law she has.
    love ya,
    Carlene

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  19. hestiahomeschoolJuly 7, 2005 at 11:28 PM

    You are such a fine woman and such a good person.  I wish I could tell you how much I admire you for enduring all the stuff you do.

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  20. i can relate to how you feel. my Mom was living with me and she developed alzheimers. there was only my brother and myself as her children. he lived on one side of the main highway and we lived on the other. he only came to see her 4 times a year. i had to do everything for her alone. and in the meantime i had a husband to look after, and 2 daughters who had no transportation, so they depended on me. then Mom got so bad the dr. said she had to have around the clock care, so they found a wonderful nursing home for her. before she left me, i was seldom ever sick, but 1 month after she left, i got so sick, then in 2 more months, i got sick again. i guess my body finally let go.  i loved doing for my Mom, but some help would have been nice.  God will Bless you for what you are doing.  yes, i felt like giving up, too, at times.  mary

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