Tuesday, March 8, 2005

Last night I was upset because of what I felt was an intrusion in an activity that Brook and I enjoy. My daughter said that she would take us to TaeKwonDo tonight. Well that upset me because taeKwondo is our thing. I was angry and crying after she said that. i know she is Brook's mother and she wants to get involved in her life but I still felt, o I don't know. I felt a lot of things.

So tonight she came over and we ate dinner and left for TaeKwonDo. On Tuesday Brook has a long class time. It is 2 and a half hours. I guess my daughter did not realize that, even though she has been told that. LOL she got all huffy and said but her bedtime is at 8. I know that was a show because I bet that when Brook is over there she more than likely does not go to bed at 8.  LOL my daughter does not have patience. It was very hard for her to stay there the whole time. Actually she did not do it. She wandered in and out talking on phone , going to a store, ect. I always stay there the whole time and watch what is going on, talking with the other parents. Needless to say, I do not think that there will be very many more trips with us.

I am sad to say that I raised a selfish person. She is all about ME. No matter what it is , it seems that she has to be center. To me it seems that she places her needs above anyone else. I thought that I had taught her better than that. I do not see any of the values that I thought I taught her. the world has done a good job teaching her other things. I am not saying she is a bad person. She is like so many others I see in this world. I failed in teaching her the right way. I did not teach her how to be happy and how to love freely.I see no kindness in her. How could I not teach her the things she really needs? I just pray that someday she learns those things. I pray that I have taught Brook those things and she does not forget them no matter where she is.


  1. How painful for you to see "failings" in your own daughter.  You may care to look at things from a slightly different viewpoint, though.  Maybe you DID teach her well.  She is an adult and making poor choices in her life.  Does that mean you are a failure?  We can only show and explain and model.  We cannot control the actions and value systems of others.  When I am talking to and counseling the kids I work with, the main question I always ask them is, "Who is the only person you can change?"  or "Who is the only person whose actions you can control?"

    Try not to be so hard on yourself - reading your journal has suggested to me that you are a kind person.  Enjoy your special time with your granddaughter.  Any more advice from me would be presumptuous, but I hope you feel a little more at peace now you have put your frustration in writing.


  2. Oh my gosh are your daughter and my oldest son related...My oldest son is so selfish and does the same thing...always talking on the phone 50 things at once...I tell him he is add.adhd but he thinks if he says no he isnt then thats the way it is...Thank God he hasnt gotten marry or had and kids yet that I know oh...
    Donna In TEXAS

  3. I think mothers put too much pressure on themselves for how children turn out.  I do understand how painful it must be for you to watch her actions:  it feels like your failing and it hurts because you know she would be happier if she just tried.  But the fact that she isn't trying is not your fault.  It's on her shoulders to grow up and to make changes that will better her life.  We do our best bring up our children; heaven knows we make mistakes, for we are only human.  But we can't keep assuming responsibility for our grown children's actions.  I was struck in watching ON GOLDEN POND not too long ago by how, now that I'm older (I first saw the film years ago when it first came out) I see the parent/child roles differently.  When the mother tells her daughter, "Get that chip off your shoulder" I now see what she means.  There comes a point we all have to put aspects of our upbringing behind us and stand up for ourselves with all our powers.  That's what you did when you gave birth to her, alone and afraid!  If only she could understand the high stakes for you of bringing her into this life!  Maybe one day she will.  Guess she won't be volunteering for Taekwando anytime soon, eh? LOL

  4. Your daughter can still do a lot of changing.  I think we continue to "grow up" till the day we die.

  5. You are doing well with yourself and with Brook..  I know your daughter is a little lax in the enthusiasm but she will also see the important things in life in time.  Give her a little time, she can't be all bad with you and Brook around!  I know you said she isn't a bad person, of course not, she is probably stressed over the things moms stress over and forget what's important til we get hit with a brick and then BAM  she will see it, and go to where she got her goodness, her mom.. It's a Phase even though she is an adult, but its an angry phase that i, as a mom have gone through also once.  I felt like i got the short end of the stick, and i have to look out for me... then realized to look out for me, is really to be there and encourage my kids.  They are the reason for everything as far as i am concerned now, and so will your daughter.      Much love and hugs                Ivy

  6. Don't be sooo hard on yourself. You know you taught her the things she needs to know. At times we all fall short of what we know we should do. She will come back to what she was taught. Just thank the Good Lord you are there to tend to Brook now when she needs you. Some kids just take longer to come around than others. I will keep all of you in my prayers. At least she is trying to be a mom to her child. God is still working on  all of us, some just need more work than others, hugs to you Celeste, Denise

  7. Funny how a mother thinks. We feel if our children grow up wrong it's Because of us. And if they grow up right It's In Spite. of us.
    They may be adults and have children, but there is still time to grow. It's not YOUR fault. She may be overly-stressed as so many new moms are. Believe me it's not you.

  8. Just do your thing. Everything will be fine. rich

  9. You can only point your child in the right direction and let them decide for themselves if that is the road they want to take.  You did your best by your daughter and nobody can do more than that.  There was a point when my son was nearly lost to us.  But now he`s a fine young man that we are both so proud of. But it might not have been that way.  I suppose in the end he just made the right choices.   Sandra xxx

  10. You described my 23 year old to a tee.  Thank goodness, she does not have a child, because it would be more than I can bear.  I do not understand her, she was with me every second of struggling, making due, taking charge, making things happen, but instead of learning from it she is a thin little anemic rail, lying her days away in bed, waiting for some one else to make a decision.  She does nothing with her education, she refuses to socialize, get out, follow up with counselors, nothing.  But, she can wait on line for two hours for a customer service representative to fix her cell phone, she can complain incessantly about injustices inflicted on her, she can criticize her mother to no end, but refuse to live life one day without pitying what she does not have.

    I do not think you will have to worry from now on having your night intruded upon.  Was there any reason you could not have told her it was your night with Brook?  Of course I know there would probably be drama behind doing that, but maybe, I do not know, I do not know what to say, because nothing has been working on the one (now two) I have. Good luck.

  11. I'm sorry to hear about your daughter.. Im sure she will one day remember the things you taught her.. you can only teach her things.. in life but not necessarily does that mean she will listen I guess but I have a feeling the little one will remember.. try to cheer up! :)


  12. I am sure that You taught her right from wrong and that she knows it.... but there is a time when everyone has to do things their own way and succeed or fail on their own two feet. I think that she will come out all right, you just keep loving her and don't fall into the trap of "how could you after all I've done for you". Be a loving stable presence (exactly who you are), don't allow her to dis-respect you, and hopefully one day soon she will turn the corner.
    I think back to my first few years away from home and the learning curve was just huge, and I made a lot of mistakes and did some things I wish I hadn't.
    Hang in there and be well.


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