I just realized that today is the anniversary of my marriage to a very horrible man. How horrible? He was a child molester and an adulter. A thief that stole my child's childhood and my trust.
I have risen above that to a certain extent. I will never forget and I cannot forgive.
Try to forgive Celeste. Very hard, almost impossible but holding it inside only damages you, it does not hurt him. He must be a very sick man spiritually and maybe mentally. Put it behind you and move on if you can.
ReplyDeleteThat would be a horrible thing to try and forgive, someone molesting my child; I'm not sure I could do it. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, they say.
ReplyDeleteCeleste,
ReplyDeleteI understand fully! Today is the birthday of an equally horrible man that I was married to for 17 years. Although his trespasses may have varied slightly from the one that you speak of here, the damage he caused and is still causing is mind boggling ... it is the stuff lifetime movies are made of.
More important than his birthday, today is the 1st Anniversary of my blog, Dancing in the Rain ... if ever you wondered what all that rain was, well ... !
*** Coy ***
I am a victim of child abuse and sexual assault. I know all about losing trust, losing your childhood. Forgiving does not mean forgetting or condoning, it means taking away his ability to control part of your life. As long as you hold onto it he owns a piece of you, and while he doesn't deserve forgivness, he also doesn't deserve to own a piece of your soul. Forgiving is a gift you give yourself. I don't want to preach because we all have to handle our situation the way we feel is best for ourselves, but someday I hope you will give yourself that gift.
ReplyDeleteCandace
Too bad you had this memory, on this day...would be nice if we could just erase it all, huh? So sorry...JAE
ReplyDeleteHow very painful for you, Celeste. I hope you can feel a sense of pride in yourself that you have moved on and that you are taking care of Brook's childhood. Do something nice for yourself today,
ReplyDeleteVicky
http://www.livejournal.com/users/vxv789/21473.html
That is certainly a painful memory to have to confront. It sounds like you have risen above it, indeed. You have a good man and a good family. No family is perfect, but yours has plenty of love. The movie MAGNOLIA is about some of the themes you describe here, and at the end a character asks: "What can we forgive?" To me, the movie is saying there are some sins that are unforgivable. This is a painful realization because forgivemenss is so important for our hearts. Yet we do have to confront the presence of spinelessness and pure evil with a kind of stiff resolve--sounds like you've done that, and good for you.
ReplyDeleteRight on!! rich
ReplyDeleteForgiving does not mean what he did was right...No it was monstous! But as long as you carry hate you will always be connected to him. Better to move on and into the loving light and embrace of your present family. But it is a process and like the 5 stages of death described by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, you must go through the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Many mental health professionals believe that her 5-stage model can be applied to help people understand and possibly predict their emotional reactions to other events involving loss, such as loss of health, loss of relationships, loss of independence or even loss of employment.
ReplyDeleteIt's important to note that your progression through these stages is not rigid. People move back and forth between stages, and there's no timetable for how quickly one "should" move through the grieving process. We are here for you whatever stage you are in the midst of. God Bless
I am sorry Celeste for all that you have been through....and I am going to be very truthful wiht you...I don't think there is no way in hell that I would ever forgive a pig that molests a child....I would rather just have him drop off the ends of the earth so no other baby would be hurt.
ReplyDeletelove,
Carlene
This is the first I knew of your hard life. I would like to say I am so sorry you had to go through something like this. I hope each year the pain will be less and less. Hugs, Paula
ReplyDeleteThose things are very hard to forget and forgive.
ReplyDeleteNJLB
http://journals.aol.com/njlittlebear/MyBigFatGeekLife