Today is the last day of 2004. I am glad it is over. It has been another year in my life that I do not care to repeat. To be honest, I cannot think of a single year in my life that I would want to live over. People talk about if I could only go back and do that over again I would do it differently. I don't think they would. I think that they would do exactly the same thing again. I think the only thing we can do is change how we will choose to do things in the future.
I do not know what my future brings. I do feel that there will be changes in my life. Those changes will impact more people than just me. I have reached the point where if I do not make changes I won't survive. I do not like myself very much right now. I do not like how I feel I have no control over anything in my life. I am 45 years old and I have 1 personal friend. 1 person I can reach out to, or rather I could reach out to. She is no longer in my daily life since she moved out of town. I read about how people describe their husband as their friend, I can't really say that. I cannot talk to him about things I am feeling. Frankly I cannot talk to him about most things. Don't get me wrong, he is a good man. But more and more I wonder if I can stay here. I have my friends here on-line. I have my journal. Those 2 things have probally kept me from totally self destructing this past year.
So what is my New Year's resolution? I resolve to get a job. After that we will see what changes I will make with my life. Will it be enough? I don't know. I know that I need to have money of my own. Maybe it will alleviate some of the tension around here, maybe it will escalate it. I will see.
Friday, December 31, 2004
My New Year's resolution
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Life is too short to spend your time unhappy. Wasn't it Ann Landers who said to ask yourself if you'd be better off with or without him, and then decide.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to "see" you so down. No one ever gave us any guarentees, did they? If you have to "get away", but feel trapped by your surroundings, or whatever, you could check out a marriage counselor, or something. I realize that there probably aren't many of them hanging around NW Ga. Wish I cpuld help, my best wishes are with you, rich
ReplyDeleteHappy New Year!!!
ReplyDelete~Danielle
May 2005 be a much better year for you, Celeste. I hope it's a magical year, one in which you find a new close friend that you can talk to, whether or not you can talk to Pat about everything. I thought I could talk to Charlie about anything and everything, until I happened across Turtle, or she happened across me. Whichever it was, she's become the best friend I've ever had, and I realized that there are actually some things that I can't talk to even Charlie about, but I can discuss those things at length with her. I'm sure you have a friend like that out there, you maybe just haven't found him/her yet. And 2005 is bound to be better than 2004, right? After all, with the string of bad luck I'm having lately, I think the next step down is to get run over by my own truck...which I have no intention of letting happen! So 2005 has to be better, for both of us.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Sammie :)
The best thing I ever did for myself was get a job.........and even though I get so tired from work, there is nothing like having your own money, and not having to ask someone else for it.
ReplyDeleteThe second best thing I ever did was start a journal here on AOL. I have met the sweetest people here, people like you Celeste.....
I applaud you for being brave enough to take a stand to make a change in your life..change is never easy.....and the older we get the more harder it is...and not many people would have the nerve to try to change their lives.
I hope you have a beautiful new year that comes with lots of success!
Carlene
I just came by to wish you a Happy New Year. I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way: (. I know what you mean about journaling keeping you sane. If it wasn't for you guys I would have lost my sh*t a long time ago. I hope 2005 brings you nothing but happiness. I love you lot's girlfriend!!!!~Ann : )
ReplyDeleteOh Celeste, I`m sorry you are feeling so down. I really hope you have a very happy New Year and that 2005 brings you health, happiness, peace and prosperity
ReplyDeleteLove Sandra x
Happy New Year. Hope 2005 is a good one!
ReplyDeleteOh Celeste, your pain and confusion come through the words. My thoughts and prayers are with you. A new year might bring a new solution to the pain. I hope so! Pennie
ReplyDeleteI hope the coming year brings new hope and big improvements in your life, Celeste. Best wishes to you! -B
ReplyDeleteCeleste, I didn't know you were having these kinds of concerns about your personal and family life. Perhaps it is the idea of the New Year that has got you thinking in terms of such extreme changes. I know I recently did an entry in my journal on change, and so have a few other people. I always so enjoy your entries when you're honest and searching. I don't like to feel a writer is in pain, though, and this entry feels like you're in a lot of pain. Writing can help you to work through that pain. Believe me, I KNOW. So many of us out here are anxious to listen. Take care, Celeste. You have a good heart. I don't like to think of it being broken.--Theresa Williams
ReplyDeleteI truly hope that you find a way to change your life to a positive one...do not feel alone...I have been and sometimes still am in the same place you are...if you hang in there...i will hang in there too!!! :) I am always around if you need a shoulder to cry on...or an ear to listen to you...I am pretty good at that. I hope the new year brings you much joy and true happiness.
ReplyDeleteEllie
http://journals.aol.com/jibaro6543/ELLIESCRAZYLIFE/