Saturday, June 5, 2004

Gramming mammies

Get your mammies grammed!

For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.

So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.

After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram
"O.K," I said, "let's do it."

"Stand up here real close" she said,
(She got my boob in line),
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."

She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooter's in a vise!

My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.

Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it's vise-like grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!

"Take a deep breath" she said to me,
Who does she think she's kidding?!?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.

"There, that's good," I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now, let's have a go at the other one."
Have mercy, I was praying.

It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.

Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steam rolled.

If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"

This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And see how THEY come out!

OK gals, now that you have had your laugh, remember...

BreastCancer Awareness...

Go have those boobs checked out and stay healthy! Pass the
message on to your mothers, sisters, daughters, aunts, cousins, friends --
and even your enemies -- because the WORST enemy is Breast Cancer!

Help out those who cannot afford the test. Click the link in My Favorite Links. Two  clicks, that's all. Thank you.


  1. I am glad your horse is better and glad to hear you are not the kind of person to just get rid of it becuase you cant ride. I sure wish I had ahorse to ride myself. I have always loved horses. We use to havea  riding stables that we could free riegn ride but they had to close down due to illness of the couple. I sure do miss riding. I like your top 15 why its great to be a woman too. Lori

  2. Thanks Celeste that was awesome....!

  3. I always look forward to getting my breast smashed once a year.


  4. That is awesome!! :)

  5. hestiahomeschoolJune 8, 2004 at 11:51 PM

    I just had mine squashed....


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