Today is the last day of 2004. I am glad it is over. It has been another year in my life that I do not care to repeat. To be honest, I cannot think of a single year in my life that I would want to live over. People talk about if I could only go back and do that over again I would do it differently. I don't think they would. I think that they would do exactly the same thing again. I think the only thing we can do is change how we will choose to do things in the future.
I do not know what my future brings. I do feel that there will be changes in my life. Those changes will impact more people than just me. I have reached the point where if I do not make changes I won't survive. I do not like myself very much right now. I do not like how I feel I have no control over anything in my life. I am 45 years old and I have 1 personal friend. 1 person I can reach out to, or rather I could reach out to. She is no longer in my daily life since she moved out of town. I read about how people describe their husband as their friend, I can't really say that. I cannot talk to him about things I am feeling. Frankly I cannot talk to him about most things. Don't get me wrong, he is a good man. But more and more I wonder if I can stay here. I have my friends here on-line. I have my journal. Those 2 things have probally kept me from totally self destructing this past year.
So what is my New Year's resolution? I resolve to get a job. After that we will see what changes I will make with my life. Will it be enough? I don't know. I know that I need to have money of my own. Maybe it will alleviate some of the tension around here, maybe it will escalate it. I will see.
Friday, December 31, 2004
Tuesday, December 28, 2004
Christmas has come and gone. Bits of paper and boxes are still showing up in the strangest places. I found wrapping paper behind the toliet! Pieces of syrofoam defy my effort to vacuum them up. I am gonna have to pick them up by hand! What happened to my suction power? HUM Maybe I need to change the bag..... I ate too much and plan on eating more. I like leftovers. I can heat them up in my new microwave, make coffee with my new coffeepot and and toast my bread in my new toaster! I feel like I have a new kitchen! Now if I could have only gotten maid service............
I got so many cards this year. I am not used to getting but maybe 4 cards and 2 of those are from companies! To all my friends I thank you both for the snail mail ones and the cyber ones.
The Hummers were a success with my two kids(Brook and her Papaw). There is one problem, they operate on the same frequency so I will need to find someone that knows how to teweek it. They have to be a long ways apart from each other or one control will operate both cars!!! Everybody was happy with what they got. No returns this year! It was truely a miracle year!
Well it is time to countdown for the next holiday! New Year's Day! WOW It is hard to believe that this year is coming to an end. I look forward to beginning a new year. Time for changes in my life. I am not sure what will be changed but I do know that changes will be made. I need to like myself more.
Well back to packing up the Christmas stuff. Everything but the tree.
Friday, December 24, 2004
Wednesday, December 22, 2004
I just wanted to say thank you for all your well wishes. My neck is doing much better now. That first day was a doozie! I made the mistake of taking my pain pills on an empty stomach and after a few hours I got sick! I did not make that mistake again! I do not normally take such strong meds but felt I needed to this time.
This has put me behind on all my stuff to do. So everyone that is getting a package from me will be late and now my cards may not make it to people before Christmas. I was so organized at the beginning of the season then the bottom fell out! O well it is SNAFU !
Our dinner is going to be on Christmas Eve. I have a lot of cooking to do tomorrow. I will have help. Stevie wants me to teach him how I make things, like pie crust. This boy can cook and wants to know more. I will welcome the help. I will also welcome the chance to teach what my mama taught me and what I have learned elsewhere.
It is storming here right now. We went from temperatures in the low teens (12 F) to 51 right now. It is raining with flooding, again... Christmas Day is supposed to have a high around 35F.
The wrapping is done , Santa is ready. Food shopping only for me now. The turkey is thawing and the ham is waiting for the oven. Now back to the kitchen to clean some more so I can mess it up some more!!!
Monday, December 20, 2004
Sunday, December 19, 2004
Saturday, December 18, 2004
Friday, December 17, 2004
Tonight is the Christmas party at Brook's TaeKwonDo. I am making Teriyaki chicken wings to take to it. I slow cooked them in the crock pot all day and now I have them in the oven crispy them up some. My house smells so good now! A big change from this morning . I burned a pot of raisins. YUCK!!!!
I made Brook mad at me. I am a mean Mamaw again. All I did was tell her to take the garbage out. For some reason she hates to do that. All she has to do is walk down the steps. The can is right there! GEEZEEE
I made some Brown Sugar fudge last night1 I think between me and Pat we ate half the pan! I am going to be big as a barrel by the time I get thru the holidays! Oh well. I am half way there now.
On a brighter note.... well maybe not............... Brook is out of school until the 5th of Jan. I hope I can survive that long! The weather had better stay good so she can go outside and play.
Brook's Papaw gave her some money this morning so she could buy something from the Santa Shoppe at school. She bought me a Christmas Angel for my tree. Isn't it adorable? She sure was nice to this mean ole Mamaw.
Well I need to get busy. It is almosttime to go and I think she is asleep!
Thursday, December 16, 2004
I was looking at my tree and remembering past Christmases. One in particular I remember because it was the last year I actually believed in Santa Claus.
The excitement was building all week. We put our tree up 1 week before Christmas when I was a child. I was 9 years old and I was ready for Santa. My niece and nephew lived with us in those days. All weel long long there had been a flurry of activity. Whispers and mysterous gifts appearing under the tree.My sister came in from out of town and I think there was someone else there.
On Christmas Eve we hung our stockings up on the door and placed our list in it for Santa, all I asked for was a doll. Lisa and I went to bed in the den on the sofa bed. this was a real treat for us. (Looking back I cannot for the life of me figure out what was so fun about sleeping on that lumpy bed!) The den had a door that looked like a window. It was glass. It was covered by a gold colored lace sheer curtain. we settled down and fell asleep, which was hard to do seeing how Santa was coming that night. During the night I woke up for some reason and sat up in bed. I saw my daddy coming in the front door carrying a bicycle. Not just any bicycle but a GIRL's Stingray! I was thrilled! I knew it was for me. I stayed real quiet, not waking up Lisa ao letting my Daddy know I was seeing him. I realized at that time that something was wrong because Santa was supposed to be bringing the toys.. I knew that my Daddy was Santa... I closed my eyes and went back to sleep.
A short time later I woke up again and all was quiet. I could see the sparkle of the tree in the livingroom. I got up and just looked at the tree with all the gifts under it( which there was more of then when I went to bed!) and of course, the toys from Santa Claus. I sat on the floor with my legs over the floor heater and just looked at it all. I waited until the others got up and we went and woke up Mama and Daddy.
Inever did tell about seeing my Daddy enter the door. I did not want to spoil it for Lisa and Doug.
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
This next group of questions come from Dannielle of EverybodyKnows
1. You just found $100 and can only spend it on something frivilous for yourself, what would it be?
A motel room with a hottub in room
2. Name the last thing you've done that you knew was wrong, but did it anyway...
It is a silly wrong... I left the gate open while putting Belle up. Paid for it. The other horses got out LOL
3. If you had to decorate your whole house, inside and out, in one color only, what color would it be?
If I had to do it all in one color I think I would do it is a very pale shade of this color.
That is all for now. Ask more if you wish.
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
These questions are from Donna in Texas Sweeping the cob webs of my mind
1. if you could change one thing in your past what would it be and why.<ok maybe this would count as 2 questions HA!
I would not do drugs if I had the chance to do it over.
2. IF you could do any profession in the world what would it be.
3. What special super power would you want if you could have one.
bonus question: Butt floss <thong> or granny panties ok I just had to be funny you dont really have to answer this one
Monday, December 13, 2004
Ok at risk of copycatting..... here goes. I got this from Danille's journal Everybody Knows.
Here is a chance for some fun for you and me. Be serious or silly it does not matter.
I would like for everyone to ask me 3 questions. Ask anything and I will answer.
Next, play along and ask your readers to do the same with you.
Okay bring them on!!!!!
Sunday, December 12, 2004
The rain has finally stopped and the
sun is shining and not a moment too
soon. Maybe some of the mud will dry
up before it starts again.
Thank you all of you for your
wonderful comments. They do make my
Life is difficult for me this time of
the year. My mama had always been a
big part of the holidays. The family
would gather there and celebrate with
each other. Towards the end of her life
I did all the cooking. I never took
credit for it because I wanted, well... I
do not know what it is I wanted.
After Mama died I wanted to keep
up the tradition of the family getting
together. It is not to be. One excuse
after another about why they can't at
this time. I am not going to give up. I
will continue to invite them. I will
continue to make up a goody box to
send to each of them.
All my decorations are finally up.
Now comes my favorite part, COOKING
Today I am making fudge. I had to wait
for the rain to stop. Candy does not do
good when it is raining. I am also going
a cherry cheesecake. Then later on
today I may make some brown bread.
Time to get busy. I will write more
Thursday, December 9, 2004
Not a whole lot going on here today.
Brook stayed home from school today.She has been coughing her little head off. She is hoping to return to school tomorrow but I doubt it. Tomorrow is Christmas lunch and I was going to be there.
This was laundry day and it is taking forever. We go thru a lot of clothes when it is muddy.Sooner or later I will be done.
I am just tired. Probally because of the rain. It has rained about 8 inches in the past couple days. And there has been almost no sun in a week.Ok I will be perky tomorrow even if I have to fake it. Until then have a good night.
Tuesday, December 7, 2004
I thought I would explain the animals. My mama used to collect a few odd stuffed toys every Christmas. ( tHat and ornaments). In the previous entry, the Santa and snowman in the tree belonged to her. The gingerbread boy Candi bought me yesterday. The big teddy was hers. Pat bought me the snowman, Santa, reindeer, and penquin last year. The little bear was a gift to Brook. The gingerbread snowman was a gift several years ago. There are several more toys that are not out yet.
As you can see I have been working on the decorating. This is my tree, finally finished. The Angel was placed on top after Brook placed the last ball in place. The next 3 pictures are wreaths that are hanging in my walls. I made all 3 of them. This first one is an evergreen one. The second one is very simple to make. Just take a grapevine wreath and use floral picks. Now this last one is a small grapevine wreath sparay painted blue with gold sparkles. The small good flowers are some I made out of nylon and wire. This next picture is what I see all the time. The hat is one I made for my Mama's door. And I cannot forget my little gingerbread snowman! The last 2 pictures are those of my village. Now keep in mind it is my first year with it. Like any town it has to grow! First stop, the train station. Down the street is the schoolhouse and next comes the church. One of the small houses is next. Down the hill is the pride of the town, the carasol with the hand painted horses.
There are still a few things to do. I have my Christmas china and glasses out and I am using them. I like to use them thru out the Christmas season. If they break, they are only dishes, they can be replaced. Why have them if you cannot enjoy them?
Went out yesterday and the rain kept coming down. We got about 3 inches of rain. I had to take Candi to see her probation officer and afterwards we went shopping and ate at Pizza Hut. Well with all the rain, the ground is very soft and that includes my driveway. I had to drive thru a lake at one point in my driveway. I drove up to the house and after I came to a stop the van started sliding sideways. I quickly put the van in reverse and tried to keep it from sliding in the ditch. Well I kept it out of one ditch and put it in another! Now none of the tires are in the driveway and I am sinking in the mud! We get out and go in the house because I know that there is nothing I can do.
This morning Pat got up after it put down another inch of rain and said that we need to get it out before it started raining again. Lucky for us the sun came out. The mud is everywhere! The tractor could not pull the van out. It is a bicycle style Farmal C. It could not get enough traction. Because of the danger of it flipping we decided not to push it with it. So we got out the old comealong and raqcuated it back into the driveway. Took about 1 and 1/2 hours to do it. All is fine now and I got the ole lecture about you know the driveway is too soft there after it has rained that hard...blah blah blah. i will hear it for the rest of my life now. Now I never say anything about all the times I have had to get the tractor and pull the truck out of the fields because he tried to drive across it when it was muddy.....
On Dec. 7, 1941, while negotiations were going on with Japanese representatives in Washington, Japanese carrier-based planes swept in without warning over Oahu and attacked (7:55 descr='[AM]' local time) the bulk of the U.S. Pacific fleet, moored in Pearl Harbor. Nineteen naval vessels, including eight battleships, were sunk or severely damaged; 188 U.S. aircraft were destroyed. Military casualties were 2,280 killed and 1,109 wounded; 68 civilians also died. On Dec. 8, the United States declared war on Japan.
Soon there will be no more survivors of the attack on Pearl Harbor. It is up to all of us to remember that day. We have to remember the horrors of war in hopes that someday the wars will be gone.
Sunday, December 5, 2004
Well. my dear did not get a deer. Oh well. I think he would have better luck sitting in our back field! He still has a few more weeks so he will get another chance. I know there are those that do not like what he is doing. He is not trophy hunting, he is meat hunting. The price of meat is getting outrageous!
Had to leave church after singing. Brook started coughing. We got home and I checked her peak flow, it was half what it should be. She is okay now. 2 puffs on her inhaler fixed her right up. I am afraid that it means she is coming down sick. I hope not.
Went to Walmart and o boy did the dumb girl in layaway messed up. She voided my layaway!. I wanted to kill her. Supposedly itis all straightened out... We will see. I am seriously thiking of getting it out and making sure it is there!
Well that is all for now. I am tired for no reason. I think I will go to bed now.
This is the scene that is outside right now. Look cold to you? It does to me. Not to this guy though. As you can see he is leaving to go hunting this morning. He hopes to get a deer.
On to another subject.... I got half my tree up last night. By half I mean I got the lights on. I have my toys out too. my village is set up. It is in the beginning stages. Still collecting pieces for it. This is my first year for it. By the end of the week I will have everything done except for the cooking and baking. That is an on going thing all the way up to Christmas Day.
Saturday, December 4, 2004
The parade last night was a blast! Unfortunately so were most of my pictures. The first few were blurry because it was cold and the lens fogged up. After that all the lights caused really strange effects that pretty much destroyed the pictures.I will work with the ones I have and hopefully have something to post. The parade started off at the playground and ended at the old high school. We had the Coca Cola truck and trailer there all decked out in lights. Several other trucks and trailers had large displays including one with Elvis on it singing carols. Candy was flying everywhere. Hundreds of people lined the streets. The parade stretched for over a mile. It took over an hour to reach the final spot.
So today I have been recovering. Got the tree up ,no decorations yet. I suppose I will spend the rest of the night fixing it. I am by myself so it will take time.
Ok, update on my doctor appointment. My blood work came back and my thyriod was worse. So my medicine has been upped again. More bad news, my sugar was 139. Been getting a little higher each time. The good news is my cholesterol is a lttle lower. The bad kind came down 12 more points. My total is 237 now. I know that is still high but my good kind is very good and my trigesterids is good. I am not taking meds for that yet. As long as it continues to drop at the rate it is then I can avoid them.
Well time for me to get busy again. I will catch up with everyone later. Everyone have fun tonight and be safe.
ATTENTION ALL ANIMAL LOVERS
CONGRESS TO ALLOW SALE OF HORSES THAT CAN BE SLAUGHTERED FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION
Contact Your Representatives to Express Your Outrage
Shortly before the Thanksgiving holiday, the ASPCA Government Affairs and Public Policy Department learned of a provision included in the Consolidated Appropriations bill pending in Congress, which would permit the sale, and ultimate, slaughter of wild free-roaming horses and burros. This provision was quietly added as a “rider” to this comprehensive budget bill at the last moment. It is sponsored by U.S. Senator Conrad Burns of Montana and is being referred to as the “Burns amendment.” While it is unlikely that it will be deleted from the appropriations bill prior to passage, we must let the members of Congress know how opposed we are to this amendment. Please click here to view a sample letter, which the ASPCA will send immediately on your behalf.
As you may know, the ASPCA has been actively supporting the American Horse Slaughter Prevention Act (H.R. 857, S. 2352), which would prohibit the slaughter or sale of horses, whether wild or domestic, for human consumption (see ASPCA Advocacy Center at www.aspca.org for information and sample letters to send to your federal representatives). This legislation would stop the rounding up and transport of horses, many of which were once someone’s companion animal, to one of three horse slaughterhouses to meet an often brutal death. These bills have widespread bi-partisan support in both the U.S. House of Representatives and the U.S. Senate. The ASPCA will continue to work hard to get this legislation passed during the next session of Congress and to repeal the effect of the Burn’s amendment.
Thank you again for your continued support and invaluable assistance in our work to make the world a better place for animals.
Lisa Weisberg, Esq.
Senior Vice President
Government Affairs and Public Policy
Friday, December 3, 2004
I had to take Brook to school this morning because I forgot I was in the van. It has a very slow defroster for the windows and a scrapper was no where to be found.
Brook's school is in a poor district. Almost 75% of the children there are on the free/reduced lunch program. During the month of November they collected canned goods for the food bank here in town. but that was not the only thing they did. The last 2 weeks of November they had a jar on the front desk to collect money for ToysForTots. The kids donated their ice cream money on Fridays for it. Today they posted on the sign outside that the kids had raised $600. I am so proud of these kids. They could have bought an ice cream, but instead decided to help another child that is less fortunate then they are. I have no doubt that some of those very children that donated their money will be the recipient of gifts from some of the programs around here in our area.
They are the true angels of Christmas.
Thursday, December 2, 2004
I am so tired today. I went to the doctor this morning and had blood work done, 5 test tubes of blood. I am tired of that! They were checking my thyroid and lipids. Both are out of whack. I am so tired of it. For some reason they are unable to regulate my thyriod. I have hypothyriodism. I have gained 7 pounds in 2 months. NOT GOOD! On top of that she checked my ears out and once again they are bulging. I knew they were because I was dizzy this morning. Running a temp now too. So now I am on antibiotics for that. Taking thyriod meds I cannot take any decongestant. So here we go again. I have got to perk up. I will never get everything done that I need to do.
Pat is off work today. He is out riding his horse. I want to be I keep getting dizzy so that is out. He took one look at me and said that I looked sick. LOL Sick or not I still have to fix supper. I have to eat. He does not cook (except for hotdogs) and nobody delivers here.
Brook got a treat today. Her papaw rode down and picked her up on Crystal. She got to ride her back to house while Pat walked. She came in with the biggest smile. She loves her Papaw.
Gonna take some more stuff for fever so I will feel better. Tomorrow is Christmas parade and Brook is in it so I have to feel better!. Don't worry I will take pictures!
Wednesday, December 1, 2004
Well I am not thru yet. It seems the more I do the more there is to do. I now have 3 rooms tossed to the ceilings! I have almost finished rearranging the bedroom so I can put the saddles in there. (Actually the saddles are in there now)In the livingroom, I have 2 large plants that I have to find a place for. I have an antique drop leaf kitchen table that I have to make room for so I can set up my Christmas village. I have to decide which window to place the tree in front of so I can arrange the couch and loveseat. All this would be easier if the computer was not in the livingroom and the television was not in a built in corner cabinet. My only corner in the livingroom except for the one behind the door. Well I am off to finish my bed so I have a place to sleep. I will work on the rooms tomorrow and get it finished!
Isn't she pretty?MzGoochie made her for me.
Okay, it is now the first day of December and I have to get busy! I promised Brook that we would have our tree up by this Sunday. O boy what a job that will be. I love putting up the tree but I hate what all I have to do to get ready for it. First order of business is to rearrange the living room. That means Pat's saddle has to leave the room! LOL that is right, his saddle is in the livingroom. Mine is in the bedroom. So I guess Pat will just have to join me in the bedroom.
First things first, a pot of tea and a piece of toast.
Now I will get to work. Have to clean living first. For some reason there are toys and clothes in floor.....