thinking

I was doing some reading today and read an entry about a grandmother turning 100 years old. It got me to thinking about my Aunt Crissy. She was a spry old lady that enjoyed life. She lived in a small town and enjoyed a small town life. She married young and they moved into their small honeymoon cottage.. Shortly after they were married he was killed. She never remarried and stayed right there in their little house until she was 103 when she fell and broke her hip. She then sold her house and moved into a nursing home until her death at age 108. I remember one thing she used to tell us, live life well. She said that if we did then we would never regret what has happened to us. I remember when she sold her house, she said that it was time. I did not tell you how she broke her hip. Well.... she tripped over something in her yard. She was chasing down someone that broke into her house in the middle of the night! I can just see her waving her cane at him telling him to stop! LOL I remember something else. Once when we were there she pulled her dress up above her knees, she wore those old stockings that were rolled. Well anyway she said to me and my sister, " Oh I wish I was young like y'all and had my pretty legs back so I could wear those short dresses the girls do now!" She did a light hearted dance around the room and laughed and sat back down.

She was content with her life. She found happiness where she was at. She did not have to go searching the world for it. She found people to help right there where she lived. She knew what was happening in the world outside of her small town and she choosed to make her corner of the world a better place. She sewed and rolled and cooked and cleaned and just whatever she could to help others. She did not waste energy on anger. She gave love instead.

I wish I could be like her. I worry about things I can do nothing about. I need to not worry and just do what I can do. Do what I can to make my corner of the world a better place. Starting with my home. I know that it would please Pat (and myself) if my house was cleaner. I know that there are those saying so what. It is a so what, it would make me feel better. I hate what I have done. It is a perfect mess. I have to realize that I cannot make it a perfect clean in one day, actually I can never make it a perfect clean. I have to accept that and do what needs to be done to make it an acceptable clean somewhat short... ok a lot short, of perfect clean.

I have to turn my anger into something good, not let it work to destroy me and what I have.

I have to be true to myself, and that means I have to be honest with myself about things.

I have to let myself like me more than I do.

I need to live life well.