Wednesday, October 6, 2004

im here

You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger.”~ Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism

“Emotional occasions, especially violent ones, are extremely potent in precipitating mental rearrangements. The sudden and explosive ways in which love, jealousy, guilt, fear, remorse, or anger can seize upon one are known to everybody….And emotions that come in this explosive way seldom leaves things as they found them”~ Williams James, American philosopher

I allowed my fear to get the best of me over the past couple of days. It manifested itself as anger. Once the anger got me in its grip it would not let go. I lost control and I am not sure of what damage has been done. No one was safe, including myself. I became my own worst enemy.

Things are quiet on the home front, for now. I know that I over reacted. I was not the only one that did so but I am not responsible for other people, only myself.

I need to sit back and keep my mouth shut. I have very strong opinions and sometimes they do get in the way of being reasonable. My reactions were not reasonable. I do not like it when things get out of hand. I will admit that I had a great deal to do with what happened. Luckily for me and everyone concerned I did stop short of telling her to get out. That would have been wrong. It would have hurt the whole family. I am going to have to hold the reins tight on myself for Brook’s sake. I do not want to create a riff that will cause me to lose her. And yes I could lose her as I know some of you out there know.

I know this is my house and I am the one that raised Brook for the most part but I have to allow my daughter to take over. I will step in if things are off. I just hope that she realizes that she cannot be too harsh or she will turn Brook against her. She does not understand the heartache that you have when your own child is against you.


  1. bless your heart celeste; i have been worried about you...lord knows i have had my share of troubles too, so i feel for you...if it helps any; i am here and will listen ...i too have strong opinions, and have alot of trouble keeping my yap shut..i have faith that you only want what is best for your family, so don't be too hard on your self.(((((((hugs))))))))))))))

  2. Oh I know that anger so well. My tempers used to frighten me. I have learned to keep them under control because they make you feel bad, can make you ill.  I know that you are under tremendous pressure. I send my love and thoughts to you, you know that.

  3. Oh Celeste i am so sorry, I knew this would not be easy for you, but no matter what It is your house....and Brooke love you and Papa and she will always know you love her no matter what!...I'm here if you need to talk! Hang in there Celeste, I will pray for you!

  4. I'm so sorry.  I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

  5. I just keep mumbling "Find a happy place...find a happy place..." and hope my mind will go there. I hope you can work through things soon. -B

  6. Oh know you hit so close to home for me on this one.  The quote by William James was so true for me on Tuesday night when I was told that Steph was returning.  I let my anger overwhelm me and before I knew was rage.  I am ashamed of my behaviour from that point on.
    I am so sorry you are going through all of this right now.  Brook knows that you love her, that you will always be there for her, and I am sure she knows that she can always go to you whenever, for whatever.  And I am positive that is a comfort to her heart and peace of mind.
    Thinking of you~Jill Marie

  7. If you need to talk, I'm here for you. In time things will get easier. It's a weird transistion for everyone involved. Hugs & positive thoughts to you~ Ann

  8. SIDDHARTHA is one of my favorite books.  Anger is truly a dragon, a monster.  I hate it when I give in to it.

  9. My thoughts and prayers are with you . Anytime  you see me on and wanna chat - Id love that !


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