Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Alone or nearly so..........

I am alone tonight or nearly so. Brook is getting ready for bed and Pat is supposed to be at his Mama's and then to his uncle's house to get the tiller fixed. I know he did not go to his uncle's house because he did not take the tiller with him. I suppose I will fix it myself tomorrow. He did not want me to go with him . It makes me wonder when he does this. I hate when I feel like this. I feel like he does not want to be with me. I know he has to have space and it is his vacation. I guess I am jealous that he has someplace to go and I don't. I have no place to go except here. my friends live elsewhere so I cannot go see them. I have only seen my sisterone time for about 5 minutes in almost a year and my brother I have not seen since the funeral. What is so sad is I do not even know where they live. I knew that when mama died the family would split up. She was the only thing keeping everyone together. I miss my family but I can not force them to respond to my invites to visit. I will keep trying but I fear that I am a nonentity to them. It hurts knowing that your own family wants nothing to do with you. My whole life I have felt isolated and now I truly am.

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