Friday, February 2, 2007

memories

I was reading in Ramblings from the reservation in her entry about her friend D. In it she recalled a memory of when her mother was in the hospital. It reminded me of back when my Daddy died. It has been 34 years yet I still recall so many memories of that time. It was a horrible time in my life, the beginning of many horrible times. Up until the moment my Daddy died I had a wonderful life. No worries, I always felt loved and wanted, I felt special. Yes, I guess I was a Daddy's girl. When he died I was on the verge of a new life. In a few months I would be leaving 8th grade and entering high school, making plans for my future life. At the stop of a heartbeat everything changed. One morning my Daddy left for work, the next morning I left for school while a hearse transported him to a funeral home. At school a few people noticed me but no one said anything to me. No one knew that my daddy died that morning. I saw Kim and told her, she hugged me then the bell rang and we went to our classes. Soon I was involved in my classwork. Someone asked me why I was crying. I had not realized that tears were sliding down my face. I told her that my Daddy had died. She called me a liar and laughed at me. I could hear the whispers going around the room and the giggles. Not long after that there was a knock at the door and I was told to go to the office. Once there I saw Kim and her mother. She had called her mother and she came to get us and take us home. For the next few days I stayed at Kim's house except when I was at the funeral home.
I did not cry again for many years.

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13 comments:

  1. Wow.  Such emotions, long buried.  I think you have more to tell.

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  2. Oh, Celeste, how terrible. I am so sorry. Why on earth were you sent to school? It seems almost cruel. I hope that you can cry now freely, when you need to. Margo

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  3. I don't think it makes any difference how long our special person had died and left us....the pain still hurts....and even tho we have put it in a special place....it does come out ever so often to visit with us....for me that means I was loved by that person...and even tho they are gone....they still want me to know I am loved....so it is with your memories...tough to lose a parent....but Daddy comes to visit in our memories...cause he still loves us.....God Bless Celeste....Hugs...Ora

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  4. That must have been so hard to have to go to school that day. I'm sorry this happened to you that way. Paula

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  5. MY GOD CELESTE..WHY IN THE WORLD WERE YOU SENT TO SCHOOL THE DAY THAT YOUR DADDY DIED????????GOOD LORD, I AM SO SO TERRIBLY SORRY THAT THIS HAPPENED TO YOU LIKE THAT.......AWWWWW CELESTE, I WISH THAT I COULD TAKE THE WAY THAT TRAGEDY WAS HANDLED AWAY FROM YOU....I AM SO SORRY...GOD BLESS YOU SUGAR...(((((CELESTE)))))
    LOVE YA,
    CARLENE

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  6. It's unimaginable that you went to school that day.  How awful that must have been for you....especially to have kids think you were lying.

    I cannot imagine what it is like to loose a parent as a child.  It was hard enough losing my dad....and I was an adult and we knew it was coming.  So much emotion to try and process.  God bless you for all you've been through.

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  7. Suppose it was a mistake sending you to school that day.  I can identify in many ways....my daddy died in January of my Freshman year in high school.  -  Barbara

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  8. That is so unimaginable to me to lose a parent at such a tender age.  I'm glad you survived.  I doubt I would have.  Still not sure I'll survive the death of my mom at AGE 40!  Life sucks so much at times.

    Russ

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  9. Oh, this is so sad, but I am also happy that you had a father worth grieving over.  I do not think I would even blink if my dad died.

    SOmetimes being at school was a safe haven for me, too.  Sometimes it was a nightmare.

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  10. Now the last post I read makes sense. I can see why you wanted to try to live your life without the change in it. Kim's mother was very kind. You were lucky to have had a daddy who loved you so much.

    xoxo

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  11. Isint strange how some things just stand out clear as day even tho they happened years ago?

    I was so sad and scared, I felt a huge void. I can imagine you felt just as awful too.

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  12. I can't imagine losing a parent so young!  They are our security.  I'm glad you did good.
    Pam

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  13. I am so sorry for the cruelty of your schoolmates.  It's a shame that such stupidity stays with us forever.  

    I cry, all the time.  When I am alone, for all the friends I have lost.  

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