Sunday, November 28, 2004

To be happy

To be happy, drop the words “if only” and substitute
instead the words “next time”

- Stanley Blanton, M.D.

I thought these were wise words. I am always hearing if only so and so had done this or if only I had done that.

My sister in law is a good example. She blames everyone for all her troubles. "if only" you would give me that or "if only" you had done that for me, I would not be like this. It is all your fault. 53 years old and still blames here mama for the choices that she makes. No one if forcing her to put the drugs in her mouth. No one if forcing her to drink and whore around. Her mother has given her more than she should have. She has given her numberous cars, money, the food out of her mouth. She has bailed her out of jail I don't know how many times. She puts her life in jeporady by giving to this female. Yes my MIL is an enabler. But my SIL is the one that made her choices on how she was going to live. How she can say that no one has ever helped her .... We paid her bills when she was in an accident not of her making at the tune of $2000. We thought she was making a go of it for the first time. Really putting forth an effort. NOT. Turns out she was hocking stolen goods for someone. But of course, according to her we have never helped her. Or anyone else for that matter. Me I wash my hands of her.

12 comments:

  1. Dr. Norman Vincent Peale often used those wise words.  They are engraved on my mind.  Thanks for reminding me.

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  2. Your right to walk away she will drag you down with her.....If you let her fall she will hit a bottom and just maybe be miserable enough to change

    Donna In Texas

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  3. I KNOW ITS HARD NOT TO DO SOMETHING TO HELP, BUT, MAYBE YOU AND PAT SHOULDNT NEXT TIME........YOU KNOW? LET HER DIG HERSELF OUT OF THE HOLE SHES IN, THEN MAYBE THAT WILL OPEN HER EYES.
    YOURE VERY BIG HEARTED CELESTE.
    KIM.

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  4. Most people pretty much make their own choices.. regardless of the situations that be... your sister needs to perhaps have you there for her emotionally and perhaps to listen if she needs to talk but she needs to stop being spoiled by the getting it all when something bad happens.. She knows you will be there to pick up the pieces with her when she is down and that is why she refuses to change.. because she knows you are there.. to pay her bad debts.. and pick her up like a baby... when she makes her mistakes.. sadly enough.. its hard to trun your back although it bothers you that you are doing all of this.. you need to not turn your back completely but stop helping her in some ways.. just be there to listen to her , but thats all.. then she will have no choice but to do for herself... maybe she should see a psychiatrist as obviously she has issues.. and thus makes the wrong choices when she knows the choices are not good ones.. she needs to respect herself...
    Just my two cents.. hope you'll be ok..
    :) Melaney

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  5. I can't take people who do not take responsibility for their own lives.  Grow up!

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  6. Good for you celeste...you can only help those who help themselves!

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  7. She needs to see her life fall apart even more, apparently,before she hits rock bottom. I am sorry for both her, and those of you who have cared about  her. Hope she can ask for help soon enough. Margo

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  8. yep...your sil sounds like some of our kin......I have no time for the ones that don't even try to help themselves, anymore....sometimes you have to let them go ahead and fall, and hope they know how to pick themselves up....

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  9. Oh how do I agree!  It's like what Walt Whitman said:  instead of asking for good fortune, he would BE good fortune.  Wise words.  I'm really trying to be better about not idly wishing things could be different.  I have to actively work for what I want and need and try to be the best person I can be for others.  Thanks for this great entry!

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  10. Your SIL has problems, maybe addictions...she doesn't sound like a very happy person.....we had this in our family too except she's not here anymore....I hope your SIL gets the help she needs....you are right, being an enabler is the worst thing your MIL can do....but I'm sure she feels trapped too....
    ~jerseygirl

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  11. i am enjoying ur journal. this is my first time in it. I have thanks to ur note to our newest journaler. found u. thanks.. It is a great journal taking life and humor in stride  got me over here nodding and giggling in agreement.
    I hope to read more  and get in touch  with some of ur work
    In respect and Friendship
     Aaron

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  12. And I don't blame you one bit.  It's easy to blame others when things go wrong or when you're upset, heck I do it myself at times, but people who do it all the time like your SIL, well, if only (lol, or maybe I should say "if the next time") they would just realize that they are the only ones who can turn theirselves around, things could get much better for them.  They have to want to help theirselves before anyone else can help them.  Hopefully someday she'll come to understand that and maybe then she'll realize just how much other people, like you, have tried to help her.

    Sammie

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