mothers day

Tomorrow is Mother's Day. Back when I was a little girl, I had nice memories of Mother's Day. We would get up on Sunday morning and have breakfast and get ready forchurch, usually wearing our Easter dresses. After that we would go out in the back yard to the rose bushes growing next to the old wooden fence. These were special bushes planted by my grandmother, old heirloom roses.Wewould look for our own special rose to wear. Red roses for everyone except daddy, he got a white one. You wore a red rose if your mama was alive and a white rose for if they were no longer with us. I was always amazed that the roses were blooming every year right on time. We would pin our roses on and then go to church. Some of the ladies at church would wear fancy rose corsages. I would see them and would wish out loud that I wish my mama had one. She told me that her was the sweetest. At church they would give out flowers plants for the oldest mama, the one with the most kids at church, the youngest mama(which I won one year), and the one with the youngest baby. After church we would come home to a meal that Mama had put in the oven before church. Afterwards we would just play or whatever. Mama would not go anywhere on that day until my oldest sister called. She would stay in the house because she might not hear the phone ring. Everytime it rang she would have someone get the phone. If it was not her she would look so sad. When the call finally came through she would be all smiles and laugh. (My next sister up laughs like my mama)
I miss those times. Life was so much simpler, at least it was for me. I know now that it was not easy for them. I know it was a struggle for them. I was not exactly what they wanted for Mother's Day the year I was born. Life was supposed to start getting easier not harder. Life moved on. There were death and births. MOther's Day became a distant memory. I became a mother and no one celebrated with me, time passed and my baby became a mother.  I made sure that her baby would have something for her mother every year. Then came the year when they were no longer together. I had my grandbaby with me and suddently Mother's Day became special. I had someone bringing me flowers and pictures and cards that she made. Now my daughter has her back again. She is the one to get the gifts now. And now finally after years of dreading the holiday, because something bad always happened around that time, my daughter is celebrating it with me.
I wasted so many times that I could have spent with my mama. Not going to see her because I was ashamed of how my life was and other reasons that are truely meaningless as I look back. So many times I had wished I had never been born and now when I see Brook I know WHY I was born.

Tags: mothers day, holiday