Thursday, May 24, 2007
The baby died tonight.When we got home from Taekwondo it was stretched out on Brook's floor.She burst into tears because she thought it was dead. I picked it up and it was still alive but you could tell that the end was near. I held the baby cupped in my hands so that it would die feeling loved and warm. It would gasp and look at me without seeing. I would rub her head with my thumb and she would turn to me. After about 30 minutes she crossed the rainbow bridge. She was so small. She fit entirely in one hand. I am glad that she did not have to go alone on a cold floor. She tried so hard to make it. She was drinking the milk that I gave her and still nursing. It hurts so much to see a little one go. If I had never tried to help it I would not be so upset. My emotions is the reason I can not work with patients anymore. I would die some each time I lost someone. It became personal.I tried, I really did try. I hate this. It killed me watching and hearing Brook sobbing. I had to hold my own tears for her. NOw they flow. I hate death sometimes. If it tears me up this bad over a kitten that I have only been helping for a few days, what will happen to me when it is Sebastian's turn? I have had him for 19 years now.
at 10:28 PM