Been gone a long time

I have been gone a long time from here.


Life has taken a new turn for me, one I was not expecting. On November 20th My husband was diagnosed with aggressive high grade stage 4 bladder cancer. I didn't see that one coming.  He had been seeing blood in his urine off and on for several months. Never said anything to me until he was in so much pain he figured he needed a doctor. Doctor treated him for a UTI several times in a row with no relief . A CT scan was ordered but did not show anything so a cystoscopy was ordered. Due to pain and blood obscured field, a biopsy was ordered under anesthesia.

I waited alone in a waiting room full of people. 30 minutes passed, no news. After an hour I knew that something was not right. The procedure was only supposed to be 30-45 minutes tops.  Finally slightly more than 2 hours later the doctor comes out and takes me into a private room.  I knew. I knew.

He explained what all they did and the findings they found. He would not say it. I looked at him and I said " It's cancer." He said well the biopsy is not back. I said and you expect it to say cancer. He looked at me and said yes. I asked him to tell me what was going to happen now. He said everything we can, chemo and surgery.

For 2 weeks I lived with my knowledge. I hoped that when we went back he would say it was not malignant and everything would be fine. He could not tell us that.

Now the battle begins. Life must win.

A couple of weeks ago my husband was sent to ER for a check. His legs was swelling. They did a CT scan to rule out blood clot. No clot. Lymph nodes are bad swollen. He has lymphedema. Just another complication of cancer.

Yesterday we finally got to the oncologist. Tennessee Oncology. He will be seeing Dr Anz. Labs yesterday and an ultrasound today to make sure of no clot. Chemo starts Tuesday right before Christmas.

So many changes. I am watching my strong husband  shrink. He is scared and admitting it. I have to be the strong one now and I am not sure I am capable of doing it.