Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Southernness

Southernness

Only
a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
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Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
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Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of"yonder."
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Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, ... as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
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Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
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All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
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Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
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Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
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Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
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No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
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A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
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Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "inline," .... we talk to everybody!
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Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
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In the South, y'all is singular, .... all y'all is plural.
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Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
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Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
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When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
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Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
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And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart" .. and go your own way.
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To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
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And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
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And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."

12 comments:

  1. that's me...."got here as fast as I could" LOLOL...married a sutheriner...and moved to the south....and never looked back LOLOL...hugs from ky...Ora

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  2. lol i love it.  it is so true.  i moved to jersey about 6 years ago and i have not lost my southerness.  thats for the great entry i smiled the whole way through
    noelle

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  3. Y'all and all y'all

    That had me laughing so hard!  

    Thanks for the wake up laugh.  

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  4. I used to be a Southerner  now am in the middle...LOL..Hugs,TerryAnn

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  5. Somehow, my alerts for you go turned off.  I'm so glad Mort linked to you today!

    This is cute.  I recognize a lot of these phrases and my folks aren't REAL southerner (southern Indiana).  My grandmother used the word directly....but she said it "dreckly".  That was a nice memory.
    :)

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  6. Seeing as my daddy was from Jaw-jah, I understood all of those. Whew, that was a tough test! He also put salt on grapefruit, while most people I know here use sugar - is the salt thing southern, too? (I prefer the salt, too.)

    xoxo

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  7. I love these sayings!

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  8. Rofl...it took me purt near ten minutes to read this from laughing and nodding!

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  9. It is southerm, too, to put salt on your grapefruit while it is still in the rind.  I do it.  Unless, you take the grapefruit out of the rind, mash it up, decorate with marischino cherries and little marshmellows. Then you put sugar on it.

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  10. these were great!

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  11. I LOVE this! it had me laughing, espcially the one about the 'little old lady' driving!
    What do you say...Bless her heart??? LOL That's VERY different than what you might here in the north! People in the south are much nicer, and more friendly,
    for sure. Folks here are uptight and rude, and talk while waiting online?? Are you
    kidding?!? Never! At least it's that way in my neck of the woods; i'm usually the
    'one' who starts talking when online somewhere; anywho-I enjoyed this entry!
    ~Diane~ http://journals.aol.com/dizarra/StorysFromtheCityTalesFromtheSea/

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