All day long yesterday I tried to not think about what day it was. 32 years ago my daddy died. My whole world came crashing around me on that day.
On Feb 26th, 1973 I woke up and felt sick. My Daddy had not left for work yet. I got up and went in the dining room where he was at and asked him to not goto work that day. I told him that something was wrong and I was afraid. He told me that whatever was going to happen was going to happen. I hugged and kissed him goodbye. That was the last time I ever saw him alive. That evening, on his way home from work, he had a heart attack. He was taken to the hospital and 12 hours later he was gone. I remember waking up and I knew that he was gone and I would never see him again. I got up and went in the livingroom and was told to go back to bed. The phone rang then with the news.
I went to school that day and found out just how cruel and kind kids can be. This one girl asked me what was wrong because she saw me crying. When I told her she went over to a group of girls and said something to them. They looked over at me and laughed. One of them came up to me and said I was a liar because if it was true then I would not be at school. I was at school because school was always a comfort to me, but not that day. My best friend heard about my Daddy and she called her mama and before lunch her mama was there checking us out of school. I stayed with them until the day of the funeral. She stayed with me the whole time, never leaving my side. No one, except for her, ever saw me cry for my daddy again. I never allowed anyone to see my pain again.
After that for many years I closed myself off. I started on my way to destroying myself and nearly succeeded several times.
I miss my daddy. Today I cry tears that I was unable to for so many years. I remember things like sitting in his lap while he read the paper to me, helping him sort invoices and adding things for him on adding machine. I remember all of his hugs and kisses, the times he would be late for work to take me to school because I missed the bus. I remember looking in the atlas at the route that his ship took and hearing him tell of his adventures. I remember the sadness in his voice when he shows me where he was when the bombs were dropped. I miss you Daddy. Mama is with you now and someday I will join you, just not yet.